


a typical meeting (for a rebel that is)

by greenarrow12123



Series: Rebels [1]
Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016), Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Bounty hunter Reader for the rebellion, But just a little, First Date, First Kiss, First Meeting, First Time, First time you accidentally wore each others clothes, First time you realized you had a best friend, Lots of fluffiness, Slow Burn, So sweet you'll get a toothache, angst with fluffiness, but then die from the angst, first I love you, first last breath, first serious injury, okay maybe a lot, plenty of OCs I didn't see coming, sassy badass women fighters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-16
Updated: 2017-07-18
Packaged: 2018-10-19 16:29:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 21
Words: 42,049
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10643706
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/greenarrow12123/pseuds/greenarrow12123
Summary: Cassian and Reader Firsts –  first meeting, first kiss, first fight, first accidental pet adoption, first time everyone found out about you, first date, first "I love you", first goodbye, all the way to their (first) last breaths





	1. a typical meeting (for a rebel that is)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> aka First Time Cassian and Reader met 
> 
> Time Cassian and Reader have known each other: 1 week (by the end of the chapter)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I got a prompt to do a Cassian x Reader Firsts Headcanon, but it kinda blew up and became 7 pages long so I decided to make it a series of chapters instead of headcanons. Each chapter will be about a particular first for Cassian and Reader. It will go in order instead of jumping around in time!

“Your mission is to find Cassian Andor. Last known location, Coruscant.” 

You had been in the rebellion since you were 10 years old. The rebellion trained you quickly and at 11 you were off on missions by yourself. Your job was to find people. You were a bounty hunter of sorts. The rebellion would send you to hunt down missing or stranded rebels all over the galaxy. Your supervisors said you had a “young and trusting” face that would be able to do the work that the well-seasoned rebels couldn’t. They stood out where you could blend in. 

Even though you worked in the same area as Cassian, you had never met him. Not many people knew what your job was and you were off world so often that you barely met your fellow rebels. However, over the years you heard bits and pieces about Cassian. The rebels you rescued rewarded you with stories of their travels and you’d pieced together what you could about the most popular rebels, Cassian included.

From what you had heard, Cassian was the best spy the rebellion had. The years passed and you rescued rebel after rebel, but none of them stuck around long enough to become a friend after you returned them to the base. You lived your life alone, giving yourself fully to the rebellion and you didn’t expect that to change. It wasn’t until years later, when you finally met Cassian that everything you thought you knew was turned upside down. 

You were sent after Cassian Andor after he had been stranded on a mission on Coruscant. He had been there gathering intel, when he became trapped under fire. Without a second thought, he sent his droid Kay, back to Yavin 4 with the information he gathered, leaving himself stranded. You were sent to retrieve him. And retrieve him you did. 

After arriving on Coruscant and scouring the area for information about a rebel spy you were able to scrounge up enough information to begin your search. It took you a few days but you were finally about to locate him. Some low level dealer was holding him, waiting to auction him off in the planet wide auction in a few days. After “asking” around the local market and “borrowing” a few weapons from a stall you went into the dealers den guns blazing. 

“Cassian Andor! Where is he?” You calming stated, pointing your gun at the only man in the room. 

Not even missing a beat, the man, without even looking up, pointed to the back room. 

Your brows shot to the air, but you held your composure and made your way through the messy room to the door in the back. There you found Cassian Andor tied to a drainpipe. 

“Who the fuck are you?” He snarled up at you.

You smirked down at him, twirling your gun, “I’m here to rescue you, Princess.” 

“I’m doing just fine as is, fierabrás,” he scoffed. 

Ignoring his words, you leaned down to cut through his handcuffs, but he pulled away. 

“Let. Me. Do. My. Job.” You said through gritted teeth. 

He opened his mouth, but before he could say another word, you drove your stolen gun into his head and he dropped to the ground. You sighed before groaning with the realization that you would now have to carry him all the way back to your ship. 

After cutting through his handcuffs, you pulled him up and hoisted him up onto your shoulder. You fell slightly into the wall before you regained your balance and began your trek back out into the market. The second you opened the door to the main room three men came running into the building. 

Without even flinching you opened fired and dropped all three of them within seconds. You turned your gaze to the man who had pointed out Cassian in the first place. He looked at you, at your gun, and then went back to reading. You shrugged your shoulders and left to return to your ship. 

Thankfully you didn’t run into any more trouble on the way back to your ship. Once you reached it, you hurried inside, dropping Cassian unceremoniously on the floor and quickly took off headed to Yavin 4. 

You set course, turned on the autopilot, and settled down with a sigh in the back of the ship with some food and began to write up your mission report. It wasn’t until about an hour later that you began hearing groaning from where you had dropped your new buddy, Cassian. 

You had to give him credit, because within a minute he was on his feet and taking in his surroundings. He seemed to quickly register that he was in an unmarked ship, meaning he couldn’t receive any answers from his surroundings. He then turned his gaze to you. 

His mouth opened, but before he could get a word out, you put up your finger, silently telling him to wait. You finished the sentence in the brief you were writing and looked up at him. Cassian drew in a breath, but once again you interrupted. 

“I’m Y/N. I work for the Rebellion. Mon Mothma sent me to retrieve you when Kay returned back to base without you.” 

You heard him sigh and fall back against the side of the ship, sliding down to sit restlessly on the ground a few feet from you. 

“Y/N. I know you. Mon talks about you a lot. You’re the bounty hunter who finds stranded rebels?” 

“Present and accounted for.” 

“How do I not recognize you?” You look up and see him scrutinizing you. 

You chuckled, “Because that’s how the rebellion wants to keep it.”

“They told you that?” He probed. 

You took a deep breath and looked down at your data pad, “Not in as many words. But they definitely don’t want my face known. Makes it easier to not get caught as a rebel. Though, it could also be that most of my time is spent away from the base. You’d be surprised how many rebels go missing.”

“That must be lonely.” 

You look up at him startled as no one you had ever rescued had ever taken an interest in your life, “I’ve been alone most my life. Doesn’t make a difference to me. The rebellion has been all I’ve known since I was 10.”

He looked surprised. “Since you were 10? What about your family?” 

Your shoulders stiffened and you could see him flinch out of the corner of your eye. He began to speak, probably to apologize when you abruptly look up straight into his eyes, “I’ve been on my own for longer than I can remember. Even before I joined the rebellion I barely had any family. I don’t remember what it was even like before this life.” 

He grimaced as your once bright eyes began to darken as bad memories were pulled to the surface. Your eyes glazed over as you turned to stare at the wall opposite you, your body feeling heavy as the painful flashes you had pushed so far into the crevices of your mind came flying out. 

Cassian was quiet for a few minutes before moving closer to you. He gently took the data pad out of your hands and you shook your head trying to focus on something else. 

Cassian began to speak, softly and slowly about how he joined the rebellion at just 6 years old. He took you through losing his family, his home, his pet, his possessions. How the rebellion had given him a family, only to take it away yet again. After losing his partner he swore that he would never get close to anybody again. And so the rebellion became everything he knew. 

As he continued speaking, you began to relax in his presence. Everything he spoke of was something you had experienced yourself. How you had both lost your family. How you both barely remembered anything from before the rebellion, but what little you did remember was desperately clung to. The way you distanced yourself from others to avoid making connections you would ultimately lose in the fight. Or the way that you followed orders, because they had been drilled in your head at such a young age. 

It took a week to get back to Yavin 4. By that time you felt that Cassian knew you better than anybody ever had, even your family. He was easy to talk to and you felt safe telling him your secrets, because he had the same secrets. He listened without judging and offered support without forcing it on you. 

You didn’t know how different everything would be after this. 

This mission started out as just any other, but something had changed. You weren’t ready to admit it to yourself, but Cassian had become your family and would change everything you thought you knew.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next up: I never knew what I was missing (from a friend like you) aka First time you realized you had a best friend


	2. I never knew what I was missing (from a friend like you)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> aka First time you both realized you had a best friend
> 
> Time Cassian and Reader have known each other: 1 month

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys enjoy this part! It’s only the second chapter and I’m already getting antsy to get to the romance, but slow burn man it’s a thing…I promise the next chapters will be more talk and interaction and not just background information

After Cassian and you arrived back on Yavin 4 you expected him to go his own way and never speak to you again. You were used to the rebels you rescued thanking you and then leaving. You didn’t think it would be any different with Cassian.

The second you opened your ships door you tensed waiting for Cassian to say goodbye. You could hear him gathering his things and steeled yourself for the words you knew were coming.

“Hey Y/N!” Cassian called while walking down the ramp.

You turn around, a forced smile rising onto your face. Cassian seemed to notice that something was wrong, but instead of mentioning it he smiled, “I’ll see you later?”

You nodded slightly and then turned back to gather your things.

Instead of hearing footsteps, there was silence. You heard someone clear their throat and turned around again. Cassian was still standing there.

“Meet me in the mess hall later?”

You must have looked shocked, because his smile widened and he gestured to the hall behind him.

“I…” You stuttered.

“Eleven alright?” He asked

You nodded and he smiled and walked away.

The anxiety melted away from your skin and you smiled for the first time in a long time.

That night found you and Cassian sitting in the far corner of the mess hall laughing over stupid stories and crazy adventures you had been on over the years. Eating together quickly became a tradition. The table you sat at was quickly dubbed YOUR table. One day a new rebel agent sat there by accident and was immediately whisked away by older agents with fleeting words of how that table was already taken.

Over the weeks your table began to pile up with both of your belongings. The tabletop was full of Cassian’s sketches and stray paper from his after action reports. While the chairs were overflowing with clothes, mechanic parts, and multiple data pads you had accidentally acquired (stole) from the intelligence room.

Soon Cassian and you became the new IT couple. Wherever you were, Cassian was. That is when you were both on the base at the same time. Which surprisingly happened a little too often to be a coincidence. You were both aware of the fact, but instead of questioning and jinxing it, you brushed it off and enjoyed your time together.

It became weird not to see one without the other. When someone needed Cassian they would ask you where he was. Or Cassian would pass on information or spare parts to you from rebels who had handed it off to him. Surprisingly people didn’t assume the worst. There were no rumors floating around about your “forbidden love”. It seemed to be just widely accepted that you were friends.

Friends. Such a strange concept for both of you. Neither of you had truly had a “friend” before. Cassian had Kay and you had some rebels you worked with more than once. But you weren’t sure what being friends actually entitled.

Your friendship grew slowly. It started out as small things like saving each other a seat in the base wide meetings, or you saving Cassian an extra piece of his favorite cake, or Cassian collecting spare parts from the junk bin for you to use on your ship. Soon it morphed into a relationship where you began to collect Cassian’s jackets from all around the base, because he lost them so often. They began to pile up in your room until you could barely see your bed. Meanwhile, Cassian was slowly stealing all your books that he wanted to read and they slowly ended up stacked on the nightstand in his room or thrown throughout his ship.

You weren’t exactly used to having someone all up in your personal space all the time. But for some reason Cassian felt like safety to you. You didn’t mind him taking your books because you knew he would take care of them. You didn’t mind him infringing on your mission briefs, because you knew he would tell it to you straight. Cassian didn’t mind you holding onto his jackets so he would stop losing them all. He didn’t mind that you would hide out in his ship when you wanted to avoid everybody on bad days. You didn’t mind when he didn’t want to talk some days and just sat next to him silently offering support.

Part of you was still waiting for him to leave like everybody else had. But as the days passed you become more secure in knowing that he wasn’t going anywhere.

And it all hit you one day that Cassian was yours. Your best friend.

You had a meeting with Mon. You assumed to brief you on a new mission, but she surprised you with the fact that they were promoting you to a Sergeant. As she continued talking you zoned out and all you could think about was telling Cassian.

Mon could tell that you were getting antsy, smiled, and told you to go.

Without a second thought you took off to find Cassian.

As you were running through the base you passed by many rebels.

“Hey have any of you seen Captain Andor?” You asked breathing heavily.

A fellow rebel pointed back to the hangar and you spun around and hurried off. You raced into the hangar five minutes later not even waiting till you saw Cassian to scream him name.

Your head swung back at forth until you spotted him in the back corner tending to his ship. His head shot up and he smiled at you.

As you raced over to him, the other rebels shot out of your way as you almost bowled them over in your haste to get to him.

“You wont believe what Mon just told me. I can’t even believe it myself. Who knew that it would come to this? I mean obviously I knew it would happen eventually but I mean-“ You shot off.

“Whoa fierabrás. Breathe. What’s going on?”

When you told him the good news, his smile grew and he grabbed you tight swinging you around.

And in the moment, in Cassian’s arms, you knew what true friendship felt like.

After that moment, not a day passed where you questioned your relationship with Cassian. He was there when you needed him. And you were there when he needed you.

Cassian was your best friend. The first best friend you had ever had. And you couldn’t wait to see where this friendship would take you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next up: how did I never notice (how perfect you were for me) aka First Time someone told you that you made a cute couple even though you weren’t dating


	3. how did I never notice (how perfect you were for me)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> aka First Time someone told you that you made a cute couple even though you weren’t dating 
> 
> Time Cassian and Reader have known each other: 2 1/2 months

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This kinda happened to me in real life with my guy friend so I’m speaking from experience….

Never mind, you were completely wrong. People totally did assume more. You’d figured that since nobody had said anything by now that people believed you and Cassian to be just friends, but you were wrong. You were so wrong. 

It all started with whispers. At first you didn’t notice. You would usually spend your free time with Cassian, either in the mess hall, the hangar, or one of your rooms. You weren’t usually around other rebels. 

It wasn’t until you and Cassian were walking down the base one early morning, him telling you a funny story about how Kay “accidentally” blew up General Draven’s quarters a few years ago, that you noticed. 

You were laughing over Cassian’s flamboyant retelling of his story when soft whispers flowed into your ear. Without pausing you turned your head, catching sight of three women looking at you and Cassian. When your eyes met them, they froze. 

You stopped walking abruptly, yet somehow Cassian in all his infinite wisdom didn’t seem to notice and kept walking continuing on with his story. 

For a second you were worried you would miss the rest of the story, but your attention quickly focused on the three women in front of you. 

One of the girls seemed to muster up some courage and giggled before saying, “You guys make such a cute couple.” 

And then they all giggled and flittered away. 

You weren’t sure how long you stood there until you felt a gentle hand on your back. You pulled away abruptly and backed against the wall. 

It took you a second, but you were able to focus you gaze on Cassian, his face blank and his hands up in a non-threatening manner. 

You could feel you face begin to burn and Cassian’s brows furrowed as he took in your blushing cheeks. 

“Hey. You okay?” He asked. 

You nodded your head quickly and fell back into step next to him, nudging him silently to continue his story as you took off down the hall. 

Instead of questioning what had just happened he continued his story, “So like I said before, Draven secretly downloaded a new program into Kay and figured he wouldn’t notice. Kay decided to repay the gift in the form of a defective data pad, which ultimately exploded in his room. That’s why his clothes had a singed look for the rest of the year.” 

You laughed as he told the rest of the story and shoved what those girls had said out of your mind. It was probably just a few people. Not everyone could believe that you and Cassian were actually a thing. Right? 

──────────────────────

That night as you lay in your bed you couldn’t get your mind off of what those girls had said. You had never thought about Cassian like that. Had you? He was your best friend. But could he be more? 

_No_ , you shook your head, pushing that thought out of your mind and rolling over to go to bed. 

──────────────────────

The rest of the next week you paid extra attention to the rebels around you and Cassian. You noticed what you hadn’t before. People staring. People whispering. Giggles shared. Curious glances. Nothing that had been happening in the past two months and a half of knowing Cassian. 

Something had changed. 

Your spy skills obviously needed some work, because it took you three days before you found out what was going on. 

_A bet. A freaking base wide bet_ , you thought laying your head across the table in the mess hall. 

“There’s a bet about us.” You jumped in your chair and whacked your head on the wall behind you. 

“Ow. Shit, Cassian.” 

He smirked down at you, “Sorry. But, anyways did you hear? This bet. Want to screw around with everyone?” 

You looked up into his eyes, the crinkles in the corners of the eyes spreading out. 

As Cassian told you the bets that had been placed you laughed on the outside, but inside your stomach was dropping. You still weren’t sure what you were feeling and if he had in mind to pretend to be a couple- 

“So I was thinking that we could figure out who bet on what and then fulfill both sides of the bet and have everybody fight over what is the truth.” He said interrupting your train of thought. 

Before your brain caught up with your frantic mind you said, “I’m in.” 

You abruptly stood grabbing a random data pad from the table and sped out of the room yelling behind at him to get started planning and you would catch up with him after you finished your report. 

As you rounded the corner outside the mess hall your shoulders dropped and you hurried away to your room. 

──────────────────────

Out of all the bets that had been made, you didn’t know which was the worst. The first, which the most people believed, was that you and Cassian were hate fucking and couldn’t stand to be around each other for anything other than sex. The second was that you had been secretly married for a year and were keeping it a secret from the General. The last was that you were faking a relationship to get benefits from the General. Was that even a thing? Because if so you had totally been wasting your time for the past 10 years. 

And so, with some digging (and with help from Kay), Cassian and you were able to find out who had bet on what. And then came the staged encounters. 

──────────────────────

_Cue Scenario #1: John the Repair Man_

“Cassian we just have to get away for this weekend.” You said over enthusiastically outside John the repairman’s workshop. 

Inside you could hear a tool loudly drop to the floor. 

Cassian sighed even more dramatically than you thought possible, and you shoved him, your mouth curling up a little. “I know my sweet pea Y/N, but we both have missions. We can’t exactly tell the General that we want a break for our wedding anniversary!” 

You covered your mouth slightly to stop yourself from laughing as he continued, “Oh woo is me. No one even knows we’re married.” 

“ _Oh woo is me?_ ” You mouthed to him. He shrugged with a smirk and you winked before shoving him against a wall roughly. 

You growled and fake (loudly) whispered, “You might as well take me in a manly fashion now then, since we don’t know when the next time we’ll be alone is.” 

You could hear a man coughing inside the workshop and held in your laughter. 

“Oh yes woman. I shall take you. Let’s return to our room so no one catches us in the act of our wild lovemaking.” 

_End Scenario #1_

──────────────────────

The days that followed were interesting. John the repairman couldn’t look either of you in the eye. You made sure to visit him for every little repair you needed done. You may have even broken a few extra things just to have a reason to see him again. 

After a few days it was time for your second encounter. 

_Cue Scenario #2: Stacy the med bay doctor_

You went to the med bay early one morning complaining about a cough. The nurse put you in a bed and went off to find the doctor. As you waited you heard a commotion outside. 

“Where is Y/N? I’m not going anywhere until you tell me.” 

Someone replied and you heard Cassian scoff, “Fine, I’ll find her myself.” 

You smirked as Cassian pulled back the curtain to your room and strode in. The second he closed the curtain you loudly began to argue. 

“Why the fuck are you even here Cassian?” You growled. “I know you don’t care about my well being. You only want me for my body. Are you here to make sure there’s nothing wrong with it?”

Cassian scoffed loudly, “Yeah sure that’s why. I just want to make sure it’s nothing dangerously contagious. If I had known you were sick I wouldn’t have fucked you last night. I can’t believe you didn’t tell me.” 

You both heard some shuffling coming from one room over. You pointed over and he smiled slightly. 

“Oh!” You explained, “You can’t believe I didn’t tell you. What about Mary the pilot. You didn’t tell me about her now did you?” 

Cassian’s head shot up, “ _Mary the pilot_?” He mouthed to you. 

You shrugged. Improvisation had always been your specialty. You waited in silence to see what his response was. 

“I…I mean how did you even find out about her. Not that I care. You know we aren’t even together. We can’t stand each other. What does it matter who else I sleep with?” 

You gasped, “What does it matter?! You’re putting that dick in me; I want to know where it’s been. Get out of my sight. Until you can stop fucking around, you’re not getting near me.” 

He snorted, “Good, I don’t want to get sick anyways.” 

“Too late, I already coughed in your coffee this morning.” 

_End Scenario #2_

──────────────────────

Then the waiting game began. 

Cassian and you made sure that your presence around base was obvious. You’d talk loudly in the hall, wave to everybody you passed, and sit right next to big groups of rebels. 

The glances and whispers got even more loud and obvious. 

Your fellow rebels went as far as throwing themselves out of your way to avoid you. It got funnier and funnier as the days went on. Until your prank got ruined that is. It was Kay who messed it all up. 

Someone decided to ask him what our deal was. And he told them the truth. 

That we were just friends and had been pranking everybody. 

A day after your prank was ruined everybody was called for a base wide meeting. After everybody squeezed into the hangar, General Draven tore into your fellow rebels, reprimanding them for betting on one of their own. 

Word had it that Draven had actually been in on the bet. But no one had been able to find out which side he had bet on. 

It was all over a few weeks later. The bets and prank were a thing of the past, for everyone but you that is. You couldn’t get Cassian out of your head. 

In the days that followed it was hard to stop flinching or blushing away from Cassian. When his hand brushed against your back you would jump slightly. When he smiled at you your heart skipped a beat. When he brushed your hair back out of your face you would blush. And when you heard him laugh you couldn’t imagine anything more beautiful. 

He was everything thing you were looking for in a man. He understood you, he made you laugh, and it definitely didn’t hurt that he was gorgeous. Had you really never thought about him that way? Or had you just been repressing it so hard that you couldn’t let yourself accept it.

As you left for another mission you decided that those questions would be better left for future you to figure out. You had a rebel to rescue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> But actually…at my college I had a great guy friend and everyone thought we were either dating or were married so we decided to fuck with them so much that half our friends thought we were together and the other half thought we absolutely hated each other it was crazy and probably the best time I had ever had 
> 
> Next up: I’ve been alone for so long (I didn’t remember what it was like to have a family) aka First time you listed Cassian as family


	4. I’ve been alone for so long (I didn’t remember what it was like to have a family)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> aka First time you listed Cassian as family 
> 
> Time Cassian and Reader have known each other: 4 months

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This and the next chapter were the first two chapters that I initially planned out for this series. I really wanted to make this longer, but it felt finished where it ended (I wanted to put more thoughts about reader’s feelings for Cassian but it didn’t flow correctly…I’ll definitely add it in the next chapter). Hope you enjoy!

As a rule in the rebellion only family would be notified and informed if something happened to a rebel. Meaning if someone went missing or was severely injured only those listed as family on their dossier would be allowed to get that privileged information. This rule didn’t sit well with many members of the rebellion; however, it was the “rule” and was strongly enforced.

You had never really thought much about this rule, probably, because you had never had any family of your own since joining the rebellion. You weren’t used to someone checking up on you. Someone like Cassian.

Even though you had only known him for four months, it still shocked you when you realized he was still there and that you weren’t alone anymore. Sometimes you would forget. You would walk down a hallway in the base with your shoulders slumped, ignoring all those around you or you would sit alone at lunch. But then you would hear someone shout your name and see Cassian’s smile and you would realize that you did have someone. 

And it was this someone who reprimanded you a few months ago for not telling him when you went on missions. It was purely out of habit that you usually went off on missions without a word to anyone, other than your supervisor that is. But now you always made sure to always tell Cassian when you were going off world and when you would be returning.

However, for some reason it never occurred to you that if something happened to you, Cassian would have no idea. He would expect you back, only to end up standing on the tarmac for hours waiting for a ship that would never arrive.

You remember the day you went missing like it was yesterday. You were walking through the market place of a planet you had never been on, when you felt a prick in your neck. You were somehow able to drunkenly stumble into an alley and pull out your comlink, but just as you pushed Cassian’s name everything went dark.

The next thing you remember was stumbling through a warehouse and hijacking a ship. You don’t remember much of what happened before you returned back to base. But you do remember throwing your comlink across the stolen ship after it failed and failed and _failed_ to reach Cassian.

When you arrived back on base, in your new stolen ship, you were quickly quarantined for mental and physical observation. You found out that you had been missing for a month. You knew that usually when someone in the rebellion was labeled as missing in action, they were usually accepted as dead. Not many people made it back after being missing that long. That hit you hard to think that Cassian possibly believed you to be dead.

It hit you that because Cassian wasn’t listed on your chart, he wouldn’t have been notified when you went missing. And he won’t be notified now that you were back.

The day you were scheduled to arrive back on base came and went. Cassian knew you were supposed to be back. He had your arrival date circled in bright red marker on the calendar you had hung in his room. However, when he went to approach your supervisor he had been promptly turned away. He argued and he threatened, but nobody budged. Cassian was beyond himself. He had only known you for a few months, but you had become such an integral part of his life he didn’t know what to do.

The days passed slowly and a week later the information that you were missing in action was released to the base Cassian expected people to be talking about it, but it seemed as if he was the only one on edge. Over the next few weeks, he would go on missions only to arrive back days early hoping that you had returned during his time away. He began to have trouble sleeping and would constantly walk around base with tension in his shoulders and a scowl on his face. He snapped at anyone who tried to talk to him and he even avoided sitting at _your_ table in the mess hall, instead choosing to eat alone in his room.

A month later, Cassian still hadn’t given up on you. General Draven told him to forget about you and Kay would try to tell him that the probability of your survival was less than 5%, but you were always on his mind and he didn’t stop looking for you. He checked in with old contacts, badgered your supervisor, asked fellow rebels to keep a look out for you on their missions, and even had Kay do internal searches on tech during missions off planet.

Exactly one month after you had gone missing Cassian was prepared to do something drastic.

Without Cassian knowing, you had just arrived back on base.

The nurses had confiscated your comlink so you couldn’t even try to fix it and send a message to Cassian telling him you were alright.

After the third day (of being held against your will… _you won’t forget this Nurse Xavier_ ), you set up a plan to steal a comlink from one of the nurses.

You weren’t proud. Okay you were a little proud to say that your commotion caused a broken window, a crying intern, and ended with four security guards removing you from the med bay and overriding your system to lock you in your bedroom. You were pretty sure that one of the nurses had caught you with a sedative, because you fell to the bed fully dressed and the last thing you remember thinking was, _I hope Cassian isn’t causing too many problems_.

Little did you know that he was planning on hijacking a ship to go and find you.

Cassian had almost everything he needed to leave, except a few things he knew were locked in your bedroom.

“Kay I need you to break into Y/N’s room. No questions asked.”

“The probability-“

“I DON’T WANT TO KNOW.”

“Fine, but you will have to repay the favor.”

Kay went to work on your door as Cassian kept guard. Once he got it open, Cassian slipped inside locking Kay out.

Sighing deeply, Cassian turned to find you lying fully clothed on your bed.

His heart stopped.

_How long had you been back? Were you alright? Why hadn’t the rebellion said anything? Where had you been? Had you been to the med bay? Why hadn’t you come to find him?_

As he took a step forward he felt an unfathomable burst of anger roll over him. He turned and kicked an old flight helmet lying on your floor across the room. It slammed into the wall and you shot up in bed.

“ _What the ACTUAL fuck, Cassian. Couldn’t you see I was sleeping_?” You groaned falling back onto the bed, your head pounding.

Before you could move Cassian ripped you up out of bed. You stumbled for balance for a second, before holding tightly onto his arms. Cassian quickly pushed you back and looked you over, his eyes running up and down your body multiple times expecting to find an injury.

You took a step forward and he flinched back. You could see the exhaustion in his eyes and the dark pallor of his face. You slowly raised your arms and held them out. Without thinking he stepped into you.

“I’m fine.” You started, but he cut you off.

“5 weeks. It’s been 5 weeks.” He gritted his arms tightening painfully around your ribs. After holding each other in silence for a few minutes, he took a step back and began rant that he had a right to know what had happened to you. You couldn’t even slide a word in there. He wasn’t calming down so you grabbed his hand and dragged him out of the room. He continued ranting as you led him through the base and into the med bay. 

Let’s just say it wasn’t your smartest idea. Cassian totally thought that you were injured. But this was the place you both needed to be.

You led him over to the counter. The nurse’s head shut up at Cassian’s loud incoherent ranting. You placed your hand on his face. His mouth immediately shut and he leaned into your palm.

You turned back to the nurse who was staring at the both of you with a raised eyebrow.

“Could I see my chart please?”

The nurse’s confused look turned into one of realization as she handed it over to you. As you flipped through the pages, Cassian began to bombard you with questions again.

You shushed him softly as you finally found the page you were looking for. You quickly signed something at the bottom of the page and then handed the folder over to Cassian.

As he read the page all the tension dropped from his shoulders and his face relaxed into one of relief.

You had listed him as family on your chart. He knew that now if you went missing or got hurt he would be notified.

It wasn’t a surprise when he quickly turned to the nurse and asked for his own chart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next up: I’ve never loved someone (as much as I love you) aka First Platonic “I Love You”


	5. I’ve never loved someone (as much as I love you)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> aka First Platonic “I Love You” 
> 
> Time Cassian and Reader have known each other: 7 months

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author’s notes: It always great to say I LOVE YOU to your friends. My best friend and I say it everyday.

It had been rough since your return. You had severe flashbacks from your past mission that caused you to constantly feel on edge. Though your time with the rebellion’s psychiatrist helped you were still skittish around others. Because of this your first few weeks back were spent avoiding others. You'd camp out in your room during busy times. You'd eat in the mess hall after hours (thanks Alfi for the food). And you'd immediately turn on heel when you saw someone walking toward you.

Loud noises would startle you and you didn’t like people near you. A gentle brush against your arm would send you hurtling into a defensive position against the wall.

The only person you were okay around was Cassian. He would be a comfort next to you.

He would sit with you in your room when you didn’t feel comfortable leaving. When you walked through the hallway you would feel his warm hand on your back, anchoring you to the ground. He would consciously place himself between you and other people and glare at anyone who was coming too close. He became your shadow in more than one way.

As the weeks passed you were surprised that you didn't get called for any missions. You were beginning to get antsy. You would ask your supervisor over and over when your next mission was; however, you were always sent away. General Draven finally informed you that you were grounded for the foreseeable future.

To say you took that badly would be an understatement. General Draven still hadn’t regained full hearing in his right ear.

It wasn’t till a week after being grounded (1 month after you had returned) that the rebellion realized they had no one like you. You had somehow become their only bounty hunter. You were one of a kind. The rebellion had never had an issue finding stranded and missing rebels, because you were always there. But now that you were grounded, they had no body. Because of this Draven decided that the new recruits that had just landed would be trained. _By you._

After the first day of training you were ready to give up.

“They’re incompetent, Cassian. Positively incompetent” You groaned falling back dramatically onto his bed.

“They have no idea how anything works. Marcus couldn’t even hit the target from five feet away, Liana took an hour to pick a lock, and don’t even get me started on Tibbeo, I swear that boy couldn’t replace a light bulb if I asked.”

You looked over to the silent Cassian, bent over his desk scrubbing away on his data pad.

“ _Casssssssian._ Stop ignoring me.” You whined.

Cassian snorted, “Now I know how you feel dealing with those bratty children.”

“You shit.” You gasped, taking off your shoe and lobbing it at his head.

Without even looking he dodged it and looked back at you over his shoulder giving you a loving smirk.

* * *

After two months of torture with the thoroughly incompetent children, okay maybe some of them weren’t _that_ bad, you were finally assigned on your next mission. Draven ordered you to take along one of your trainees. You took your top student obviously (though that didn’t mean much). She was decent at fighting and flirting. However, her skills at interrogation and stealth were pretty much non-existent. Her voice squeaked when she would try to yell and one time she knocked over four trashcans, two racks of equipment, and smashed a chair when trying to be "stealthy".

To say that you were nervous would be an understatement. It wasn't just that you would have to keep an eye on another living breathing person, but you were worried about getting back out there. Though you had been begging to go back on missions, now you weren’t sure you were ready. Cassian promised that you would be fine and that he would check in on you. And if anything went wrong he would be there in a heartbeat, rules be damned.

After you landed the tension flowed out of your body. You were back in your element. You had nothing to worry about.

The mission began relatively normal. It wasn’t meant to be a difficult one. You just had to locate a stranded rebellion and bring him home. He wasn’t even on an imperial occupied planet. The probability something would happen was slim to none.

What happened next was a freak occurrence. You swear that even if there had been a sign you wouldn't have seen it.

You’re not really sure what happened, but long story short you got shot.

It was a scratch.

“That is so not a scratch!” Mila screeched yanking you up off the ground.

After taking care of the problem ( _yes Mila sometimes you have to “take” care of imperial agents_ ) and finding your rebel, who thankfully was being held by those exact imperial agents, you were able to stumble back to your ship.

After giving Mila directions to fly back to Yavin 4 and making sure your rescued rebel was alright, you went to collapse on the bed in the back of your ship.

Just as you closed your eyes, your comlink rang. Pulling it out you let out a long groan just thinking about the dreaded conversation you were about to have.

“Hey! Fierabrás, how did your mission go? Hopefully Mila is still alive. You didn’t leave her behind, right?”

You took a deep breath, “Before you freak out, just know I’m alright and it’s barely a scratch.”

“ _What happened?_ ”

“I may or may not have gotten myself a little bit shot?”

Cassian cursed.

“I’m fi-“ You started, but Cassian cut you off.

The next ten minutes were full of reprimands, questions, and curses.

When you were finally able to squeeze a word in there, you told him that you had to go.

He grumbled in reply telling you that you had better be in one piece when you get back.

“Hey. Listen, I really need to go check on Mila. Poor kid is probably freaking out. I’ll see you tonight, alright? Love you. See you soon.”

“Love you too,” Cassian said without missing a beat and then the call cut off.

It didn’t take long before you realized what you had said. And then you proceeded to stare at your comlink for the next hour wondering what the fuck had just happened. Little did you know, Cassian was doing the exact same thing.

_Had that really just happened?_

You should have assumed that this would've happened sooner or later. It wasn’t a rare sight to see the affection you two showed each other. From long hugs to kisses on foreheads, pet terms of affections, and lounging together on each other’s beds. You guessed that this was just like the physical affection, but finally vocalized. However, figuring out what this meant wasn’t exactly coming easy.

You and Cassian had both grown up without family. The rebellion was all you knew for most of your life. Just because the other rebels had become a sort of family didn’t mean that you received the same love and affection you would receive from true family.

However, that had all had changed when you met Cassian. He had become your family. Truthfully, you had been saying “I love you” in many different ways for a long time.

* * *

 The next few hours of your flight went by too quickly for your liking. As you were landing you were tense. Usually Cassian was waiting on the tarmac for you. But what if he wasn’t this time. What if what you had said caused a rift between you two?

But there he was. You quickly let out a sigh of relief before you hobbled down the ramp. Cassian quickly walked up to meet you, taking off his jacket and draping it around your shoulders.

As he reached up to place his arm around your waist, you flinched away and began to stagger off to the med bay. Cassian fell in step beside you and you both remained tensely quiet for the next few minutes. You weren’t sure what to say and you were still freaking out in your head.

Cassian on the other hand wasn’t as freaked out. After his initial freak-out he had realized that there was nothing wrong with saying "I love you". He had memories of his sisters and parents saying it. It had been a normal tradition he had missed over the years. A tradition that he planned to keep going with you.

“I can hear you thoughts from over here. Listen… I love you.” Your head snapped up and you backed away from him a little. He put his hands up, “ _I love you_. You’re my best friend. You’re my _family._ That’s a normal thing to say to family isn’t it?”

You nodded your head.

“Good. Then I’m going to continue saying it. If that’s alright.”

You smiled slightly, your racing thoughts finally slowing down, “I love you too.”

And thus began the tradition of saying, “I love you”.

* * *

Cassian was usually the one to say it first. Usually it was said in privacy, but as the weeks passed, it grew so comfortable that you would say it wherever you were.

You would say it in the packed hallways when you went your separate ways. He would leave you a note on your workshop’s door. You would scream it across the hangar as you went off on a mission. He would tell you every night before you went to bed.

Like everything else, it soon became a competition on who could outdo each other.

Cassian had a 15 foot banner printed and hung it on your ship.

You made the chef’s and rebellion jazz band sing and play him a love song in the mess hall.

Cassian convinced Draven that if went up to you and said, “Cassian loves you” that he would turn in all his future reports on time for the next four months.

That was not something Draven was going to pass up. _So he did it_.

Of course, like it usually did, the competition went a little bit too far when you set up 500 candles in the intelligence center. And right there in the middle, red flames spelled out “I love you”.

It was impossible to move an inch into the room. Let’s just say that seeing the best intelligence agents play “the ground is literally lava” is way more entertaining than you would think.

You were then prohibited from huge spectacles of your love.

However, that didn’t stop the tradition and you said, “I love you” every day.

To the both of you, “I love you,” meant many different things. Stay safe. I’ll see you when I get back. I hope you sleep without nightmares tonight. I picked you up a book from this obscure bookshop on Tatooine. But most of all, it meant, _I love you_ , even if you weren’t ready to admit it yet.

I love you became something easy to say for you. However, the lingering uncertainty cowering in the back of your head grew more and more each day. Did you mean more by it? Did Cassian mean more by it? Did you love each other more than family?

Then one day all those feelings you had repressed all those months ago came flooding back. And they were stronger than ever. However, instead of pushing them back this time you let them flow throughout you. And you realized…

You loved Cassian.

 _Fuck_. That was going to come back to bite you in the ass.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next up: how did I live so long (without your lips on mine) aka First Kiss


	6. how did I live so long (without your lips on mine)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> aka First Kiss 
> 
> Time Cassian and Reader have known each other: 9 months

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All I have to say is KISS KISS KISS KISS KISS KISS KISS MY FAVORITE PART OF FANFICTIONS

Ever since you had realized you loved Cassian your world had been different. You felt lighter and lit up every time you saw him. Your heart would skip a beat when his hand would brush against yours. And when he touched your back you would lean into him as far as you could. Though Cassian _definitely_ noticed how much happier and touchy you were being he didn’t say anything, instead he would just smile and pull you closer.

Though you had finally admitted to yourself how you felt you still weren’t sure if you should tell Cassian. Did you really want to ruin one of the best friendships you ever had? Did you really want to risk losing the one person you loved more than anything? Did he even love you back?

_There was only one way to find out._

As you went to find Cassian, a week after _the realization_ , you couldn’t find him. He wasn’t in his room, the mess hall, the intelligence center, or even his (unused) workshop. Your last stop was the hangar.

His ship was gone.

_What?_ You knew that he didn’t have a mission, because he hadn’t said goodbye, and Cassian _always_ said goodbye. 

After asking around, you couldn’t get anyone to give you a straight answer. You searched for General Draven or one of Cassian’s supervisors, but none of them were on base as well.

As the day passed, you grew more and more frustrated and began to see people outright avoiding you, which only made your suspicions grow.

You were finally able to corner General Draven, who had just arrived on Yavin 4 a few minutes before. He informed you tersely that Cassian was on a covert mission that was need to know only.

Before you could take out your anger on Draven, he was already halfway down the hallway. Seeing as the last time your yelling had damaged his hearing, you didn’t blame him.

The days passed without any communication from Cassian. After refusing to call him the first few days, because you were mad he didn’t tell you he was leaving, you caved and sent him 7 messages within five minutes even though Draven had told you Cassian wasn’t allowed any form of communication.

As the days passed, your anger subsided. You knew it wasn’t Cassian’s fault and he was just following orders, but you were annoyed and had to take it out on someone. And that someone soon transferred onto an unsuspecting rebel.

Unsuspecting rebels had become the focus of your annoyance for the past few months.

Ever since you had become friends with Cassian you had been receiving more attention on base. You used to be able to slide under the radar, but because of the base wide bets and drastic declarations of love, people definitely knew who you were now.

At first you didn’t mind the attention. Just hellos, small talk, and friendly gestures, but over time it began to become more.

_More_ meaning your fellow rebels began asking you out.

They would try to impress you with epic stories of their adventures and daring rescues. Usually you were able to scare them off with a sly smile and a flick of your gun. Sometimes when that wouldn’t work you’d look desperately to Cassian, who would growl at them until they quickly scurried away.

What was the probability that a new cocky pilot would join the rebellion the exact week that Cassian was away?

_High._

This new pilot was impressive. But he was also cocky, arrogant, and annoying. And you had somehow caught his attention.

It started gradually with him trying to talk to you and sitting next to you during meetings. But it quickly grew to him bringing you food, trying to carry your belongings, and constantly asking you to go out with him.

You declined multiple times, but he wouldn’t give in.

He knew that you were available. He told you that he had heard _all_ the rumors about you.

You weren’t sure what that meant, but it made things hell. He would act like he knew all about you, he would bring you your “favorite” food or “favorite” flower, but he never got one thing right.

Since Cassian was gone you had no one to complain to or help you scare him away.

So instead of dealing with the problem you avoided it (like you did with everything else). You would stealthily travel through the base to avoid him, peering around corners, hiding in alcoves, and you even climbed into an air vent one day. You had barely eaten, because every time you went into the mess hall he would pop up, no matter what time.

After he found out where your room was you took to hiding out in Cassian’s room.

It was in his room that you came up with your master plan.

You were going to kiss a guy to prove that you liked someone else and weren’t interested in him.

_Time to find a guy_.

After going through the list of men you had worked with in the past, you chose a mechanic. He still owed you a favor after you had picked him up rare parts for the R2 unit he was building.

After shooting him a quick (desperately begging) message he agreed to meet up the next day. You went to his workshop and you were somehow able to convince him of your plan. He had laughed (for a little too long) and agreed before you could even start begging.

A few days later you left Cassian’s room. Instead of ninja walking around like usual, you walked through the halls with a purpose.

Just as you passed by the training room you heard someone scream your name, _the pilot_.

You swiftly changed your direction and headed towards the hangar. The pilot screamed your name again, but you pretended like you didn’t hear him.

As you entered the hangar you frantically scanned the room, trying find your mechanic.

_There he was_. Right next to his ship.

You sighed steeling yourself, and quickly took off toward him. His back was to you so he didn’t see you coming. Instead of calling his name, you just grabbed his shoulder, turned him around, and kissed him.

The second your lips touched his, he froze. At first he didn’t kiss back, which was strange, so you pushed yourself harder against him, your hand reaching up to pull him closer. His lips became soft under yours and his arms came up to wrap tightly around you. One hand snaked around your back while the other rose to weave into your hair, pulling you even closer to him.

When you finally pulled back your heart stopped. It wasn’t your mechanic, it was _Cassian_.

Cassian whose face was the picture of confusion and _longing_?

You both froze, Cassian’s arms still tight around you.

After a beat, his arms slowly loosened and you quickly took two steps back.

Before you could even think about what to say your pilot “admirer” cleared his throat behind you. Without taking another look at Cassian you turned quickly to face the pilot. 

He apologized for “romantically” pursuing you and hastily sped away. You heard Cassian snort behind you and was just about to turn around to face him when you saw your mechanic friend walked into your view. He smirked at you and you threw him a glare. Just as you opened your mouth to tear him a new one, Cassian gently touched your back.

You whipped around to face him your face bright red.

Before you could even apologize for jumping him, he smiled, “Well, that sure was a hell of a welcome home.”

You sighed punching him on the shoulder, “Welcome home! Fuck, Cassian I didn’t even know you left!”

“Hey now, don’t change the subject fierabrás.”

You tilted your head, “Change what now?”

“ _Y/N_. Come on. That kiss, I mean-“ Cassian sighed taking a step toward you, his eyes shining.

You mirrored him by stumbling back a few steps, “Listen I just wanted to get that guy off my back. I- I didn’t even mean to kiss you. I mean I was supposed to kiss Beron, you know the mechanic? It didn’t mean anything.”

Your heart dropped as the light in his eyes dimmed and his body seemed to visibly deflate, “Oh. I-okay then.“

With plans to meet up later you both went your separate ways. Cassian looked as if he had been kicked in the stomach while you felt completely broken.

You could slap yourself. A week ago you had been ready to tell Cassian how you really felt. Why had you wimped out? Now you had fucked it all up. There was no coming back from this. How could you tell him now? This was for the best right?

But how could it be right not to be with him though? You couldn’t get the feel of his lips out of your head. All you could think about was how perfect they had felt on yours. How safe you had felt in his arms. How he had held you so tight you could still feel his hands on your body. How you longed to feel his lips on yours again. 

But he hadn’t fought for you. If he had truly wanted you he would have told you. _Right?_

And so you both moved on.

_So you thought_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next up: I hoped you wouldn’t notice (how I hid my darkness from you) aka first time avoiding each other


	7. I hoped you wouldn’t notice (how I hid my darkness from you)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> aka First time avoiding each other 
> 
> Time Cassian and Reader have known each other: 9 1/2 months

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for killing all of you last chapter… I love the angst so much haha but no worries they will get together… eventually ;) seriously though it’s soon like really soon I’m an impatient person. Hope you enjoy this chapter!

Ever since you and Cassian had kissed things had been weird. You both acted like you were fine. But you could tell something was off. Every time Cassian would go to touch you, you’d tense up. Every time you would turn away, Cassian’s face would fall. Your conversations weren’t full of laughter anymore and Cassian’s once bright eyes were dark. You wouldn’t sleep over in each other’s room after a long night of conversation anymore. And it even became awkward to sit in silence together.

Not truly having Cassian there hurt you. You began to feel alone again. Although he was physically there, it just wasn’t the same and it began to impact you. You would walk shoulders slumped through the halls. You’d ignore people who would try to talk to you. You would skip mission briefings because you couldn’t focus. And you began to have trouble sleeping.

You would lie awake at night staring at the ceiling just wondering where it all went wrong.

It wasn’t until a week after your kiss that you got called on another mission. With a quick message to Cassian, you were off. You couldn’t be happier to get off world. A mission would get your mind off things.

However, the mission didn’t go as planned.

The second you your ship landed, you were under fire. Your ship was blown up and you were stranded. By the time you found the rebel you were meant to rescue you had already been there for five days. And just as you were hijacking a ship to get off planet your rebel was shot down.

You barely escaped uninjured back to base. 

You wouldn’t speak for hours after you landed. All you were able to tell your supervisors was that the rebel was dead.

General Draven assured you that this wasn’t your fault and there wasn’t anything you could have done differently.

But you couldn’t help thinking that it was your fault. Everything recently had been your fault. This rebel’s death. Your relationship with Cassian. Everything.

Draven told you to take some time and that your next mission wouldn’t be for another few weeks.

The second you walked out of the room you saw Cassian leaning against the wall. Instead of going towards him like you usually would, you turned and walked away.

You did something that you hadn’t done in a while. Hadn’t done since you met Cassian.

_You vanished_.

──────────────────────

You’d done this before, many times in fact. The last time it happened was right before you met Cassian. You had lost three rebels on a mission. And had vanished for 2 weeks.

People were used to it by now (people meaning your supervisors). They gladly left you alone as long as you were back in time for your next mission.

Usually you could camp out in your room or ship for the duration of the time, but you knew you couldn’t stay in any place that Cassian would be able to find you. In the past you didn’t have to avoid anyone, because no one was really checking up on you. But Cassian had changed that. You couldn’t face him right now, even though it was him that you were craving comfort from the most.

After searching the base, you ended up camped out in a spare workshop in the far corner of the base. You’d pace the room, break some spare bottles, and when you got to the point of exhaustion you would pass out underneath the workshop table.

You were surprised it took so long, but Cassian found you three days after you vanished.

──────────────────────

Cassian had spent three days running around base looking for you. He knew that things had been weird since the kiss, but he didn’t know why you were avoiding him. Surely he hadn’t fucked up your relationship that much.

That kiss had been everything to him and when you had said that it didn’t mean anything it had broken him. He had tried to push away his feelings and just continue being friends, but after kissing you, it was almost impossible. All he could think about was how he wanted to hold you close and never let you go.

After yelling at Draven for three days straight he finally told Cassian where you were.

Outside the workshop door is where Cassian found himself early one morning. He found himself wondering if he should just leave you alone or knock.

However, when he heard a huge crash inside he decided that beating on the door was the best bet. He continued yelling for you for the next hour, but you didn’t respond.

Eventually he gave up sliding down to rest against the door. He was exhausted. He hadn’t been sleeping well. His nights were plagued with horrific nightmares of losing you. He knew he would only be able to sleep knowing you were okay. He figured this would be the closest he would get to you so he laid down and fell asleep right outside the door.

──────────────────────

You sat in the corner of the dark room staring at the door. Cassian was begging you to let him in. And even though that was all you wanted you couldn’t find it in yourself to move. 

Hours passed and you figured he had given up but when you opened the door you found him asleep on the floor.

Your eyes welled up with love for him, but you couldn’t bring yourself to wake him. Instead you took off your jacket and gently covered him with it. You brushed his hair back from his face and he snuggled into your hand with a sigh. Before you convinced yourself to wake him up, you took off down the hall to find a new hideout. 

──────────────────────

When Cassian woke up he felt something resting on top of him. Your jacket. Holding it tight he turned to look into the workshop. The door was open meaning that you must be gone. He slowly pushed it further open and stepped inside.

It was dark, musty, and covered in dust. He could see old half eaten food sitting on the table, broken bottles smashed on the ground, and a body shape in the dust marks on the ground.

His heart clenched.

If you had gone this far to get away from him then maybe he should just leave you alone. He would give you that space you clearly needed. He would stay away as long as you wanted. Even if it tore him apart.

──────────────────────

After a week of hiding out you slowly made your comeback. You had read the mission report over and over and realized that there was nothing you could have done. You accepted that. And now you had to accept that you had to fix your relationship with Cassian.

You had to find him.

But he was nowhere to be found.

You knew he was on base, a few rebels you asked verified that.

When you finally caught sight of him a day later you breathed out his name. And as if he had heard you from across the room, he turned to face you. You smiled gently and started toward him, but once he caught sight of you, his eyes flashes and he quickly left the room.

You took off after him, but once you rounded the corner you found an empty hall. You stood there for a few minutes wondering what was going on.

_Cassian was avoiding you_.

Much like you had just avoided him. You couldn’t be mad for you had just done this to Cassian himself, but it didn’t make it hurt any less.

Every time Cassian would see you, he would immediately leave.

Overall, you and Cassian spent two whole weeks avoiding each other. It was the worst two weeks the rebel base had ever seen. No one was really sure what was going on. They had _definitely_ seen you kiss in the hangar, but Beron, the mechanic had squashed any romantic connotation by spreading the true story. All they knew was that you and Cassian weren’t talking to each other. And it was affecting everyone.

Rumors were flowing. No one could focus on their work. Meetings were held at all different times because you and Cassian were always apart.

You both went on missions without saying goodbye. You didn’t eat together anymore and your table in the mess hall had been empty for weeks. You hadn’t spoken in weeks. You didn’t even acknowledge each other.

It was making you sick.

It wasn’t until Cassian got hurt on a mission that you finally broke your silence.

──────────────────────

One morning, you received word from the med bay that Cassian was being treated, you hadn’t even know he was off on a mission.

_You were still listed as his family_.

When you arrived, you were told to stay in the waiting room. For an hour you paced back and forth.

No one would let you in to see him or even update you on his condition.

You were finally able to bulldoze yourself through a group of nurses to get into Cassian’s room.

You flew through his door gasping out his name.

Color you surprised when you saw a completely healthy looking Cassian sitting up in bed, “Y/N?’

You flushed, “I-…“

The nurse in the room cleared his throat, “I think I’ll give you two some space.”

Once he shut the door your head dropped.

“ _Y/N_ , what’s going on? Why are you here? Are you alright?” Cassian said frantically looking you up and down.

“Do you even care?” You snapped regretfully.

“ _What_? How could you even ask me that?”

“You’ve been avoiding me.” You muttered.

“ _You’re_ the one that started avoiding me remember? How do you think I felt? Every day trying to find you, to talk to you, only to have you ignore me.” Cassian barked.

“I- I didn’t think. I couldn’t…” You winced shrinking back.

Cassian sighed, “Y/N what is going on? Why were you avoiding me? Is it about the rebel you lost? The kiss?”

You were silent. “ _Is it me_?” His voice cracked, “Because if it is, we can talk about it. Just, please. I miss you.”

You choked back a sob, “No. I don’t know. I just- The kiss. The rebel. Everything has been going wrong and I didn’t know how to fix it. So I ran.”

Cassian stayed silent.

“ _Please_ can we just be friends again.”

Cassian laughed lightly and you flinched back, “We will _always_ be friends. I’m never going anywhere okay?”

“I’m so sorry.” Your voice cracked.

Cassian grabbed your hand, pulling you closer to him, “Y/N. Why didn’t you just talk to me? I could have helped you. You know you can tell me anything. Even if you just need some space. Tell me and I’ll give it to you.”

“I _didn’t_ want space though. Not from you. I _never_ want space from you.” You said tightening your hand in his.

Cassian looked confused, “But isn’t that what you wanted?”

“ _No_.” You cried, “I just want you.”

He smiled and held open his arms.

You ran into him burying your head in his chest. He groaned in pain, however when you tried to pull away he just pulled you closer and held you tighter.

You and Cassian talked for the next few hours. You caught each other up on everything you had missed out on.

You talked about how wrong the mission went and how it had felt to lose a fellow rebel. Cassian talked about how he hadn’t been sleeping, because he had been worried about you and how shitty he felt not being able to talk to you for weeks.

You went back and forth until you finally reached _the kiss._

You both decided that it was just best to move on for now. Even though it sent a pang through both of your hearts, it was for the best. You were just getting back to being best friends again and you didn’t want anything to fuck that up.

With a promise to talk about it sometime in the future after you both figured out your feelings, you fell asleep.

Hours later the nurse would find the two of you tangled together fast asleep in his tiny twin bed.

_You know I love you, right?_

_I love you too._

Even though you both knew that it meant something more, for now this was enough. You finally had your best friend back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next up: never knew home had a scent (until I stole your sweater) aka First time moving in together


	8. never knew home had a scent (until I stole your sweater)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> aka First time moving in together 
> 
> Time Cassian and Reader have known each other: 1 year

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I LOVE MENS CLOTHING IT’S SO COMFY AND BIG ESPECIALLY WHEN IT SMELLS LIKE THEM. Hope you enjoy!

You and Cassian were best friends again. Well best friends who were secretly in love with each other, but best friends nevertheless. Your lives were back to normal. It had been a few months since your fall out and you were stronger than ever. 

Everything was going relatively well between the two of you until Kay decided to blow up part of the base, _by accident he claimed_.

──────────────────────

It all began with a sweater. Cassian’s sweater to be exact.

A _tiny_ explosion on base (which was totally Kay’s fault) caused everyone to be thrown out of their respective rooms at three in the morning. 

Everyone arrived in the hangar in various states of undress. 

Many were wearing robes, some were actually dressed, and a few were in just boxers. 

You shuffled out of your room wearing one of Cassian’s sweaters you had “confiscated” a few months ago. It was big on you and hung down below your knees. You had the sleeves rolled numerous times yet they were still long enough to fall over your hands. 

“…Is that my sweater?” You heard a soft voice behind you. 

Lazily looking down at your outfit you chuckled, “That it is.” 

You turned around to face Cassian, “Are those my slippers?”

“Yes. Can I ask why you’re wearing it?” 

You tilted your head confused at his statement, “What?”

“The sweater. _My_ sweater. Why are you wearing it?” 

You _definitely_ blame your sleepy brain for your next response, “It makes me feel safe.” 

After a beat of silence and a slight quirk of Cassian’s mouth, you realized what you had said. Stumbling over your words you frantically spit out, “Nope I didn’t say that. Ignore that.”

Cassian smile took up his whole face. He looked you up and down before his eyes widened, “Wait. Isn’t that the sweater I was looking for _months ago_?” 

“Well…” 

“Y/N!” Cassian exclaimed, “I asked you for weeks what happened to it! I can’t believe you had it all this time. Have you taken anything else I’ve been looking for?!” 

You scoffed, lightly blushing, “What no of course not why would I ever do that….?”

 _Lies_. You always wore his clothes. His shirts to bed. His pants during cold days. His sweatshirts. You loved his shirts and sweaters the best. They smelled like him. They made you feel safe. You loved being able to cuddle up at night tucked in something that reminded you of him. You loved falling asleep surrounded by his scent. Especially if you were feeling particularly down or sad, his scent would wrap you in a cocoon of safety until you relaxed. 

Before Cassian could comment at your clearly ridiculous response you heard your name screamed. 

“Y/N! Cassian! Did you hear me? You’re rooming together. Alright everyone get to bed you have jobs to do in the morning.” 

You looked at Cassian in confusion, “Wait rooming together?”

──────────────────────

It turns out that the explosion, the one Kay had definitely caused, had knocked out the heat and power in half the rooms on base. Thus General Draven had to assign everybody rooms to double up on.

And who did you end up with? _Cassian_. Because of course you did. 

You weren’t as freaked as you thought you were going to be. You and Cassian had practically shared each other’s rooms for the past year, just not _officially_. Both of your closets were filled with each other’s clothes. Your books were on his nightstand. His mission reports were on your desk. You would have to run to his room early in the morning when you realized you had left something there. And Cassian would come knocking late at night asking for something as he left on a mission.

As you straightened up your room making space for Cassian, your heart was beating out of your chest. You laid on the bed your brain racing. You weren’t sure if this was going to end well, but you really didn’t have a choice in the matter. Would you be able to live with Cassian feeling the way you were feeling? Cassian and you still hadn’t had that dreaded conversation about your kiss all those months ago. You had both been putting it off for obvious reasons. 

_You didn’t want to fuck up your friendship_. 

Breaking you out of your thoughts, Cassian came stumbling through the door. He was lugging only one bag. 

“I think the rest of my stuff is already here?” 

You smiled pointing toward the closet.

──────────────────────

To say Cassian was ecstatic to be moving into your room was an understatement. He had been waiting for a moment like this. He had been sitting on his feelings for so long he was ready to do something about them. He just didn’t know how. But now that he was here in your room, a room that was the closest thing to home he had ever known. He knew he was ready. Moving into your room had given him the chance he needed to tell you how he really felt.

The second he entered your room he felt a sweeping warmth of love. You lay, still wearing his shirt, curled up on your bed. The second your eyes met his, your face lit up into the most beautiful smile he had ever seen. Dropping his bag, he quickly joined you on the bed, snuggling into your covers and breathing in your scent.

──────────────────────

“So you clearly always wear my clothes to bed.” Cassian said. Your eyes were closed, but you could just _hear_ the smirk on his face.

You propped yourself up on one arm and rolled over to face him. “What would make you think that?”

“Oh I don’t know. Maybe it’s my rebel spy skills. Maybe I’m a genius. Or maybe it’s because there’s a huge pile of my clothes in your laundry bin. So you’re going to wear my sweater tonight?” 

“Yes. Problem?” 

“Nope. No problem. Good night Y/N.” Cassian said reaching out to brush your hair back from your face. 

You smiled leaning into his hand, “Goodnight Cassian.”

──────────────────────

Living with Cassian was easy. You complimented each other perfectly. You showered at night. He would shower in the morning. He would leave the book he was reading open on the table. And you would make sure to mark his page so he wouldn’t lose his place. You would fall asleep at your desk working late at night on mission reports. And Cassian would make sure to carry and tuck you into bed.

You thought it would be weird. But it wasn’t. You were fine with sharing a bed, because you had done it so frequently over the past year. 

There was the tiny problem that you were head over heels in love with him. But you set a rule for yourself to curb that issue. 

That rule prohibited you from cuddling with him. 

However, clearly your subconscious had different ideas. You made sure not to act on your feelings when you were awake, but somehow you subconscious thought that was stupid. 

Every morning you would wake up tangled with Cassian. Sometimes on top of him. Sometimes facing him. Sometimes facing away from him with his arm over your waist. And it was the best sleep you ever had. Nothing was better than having someone you loved sleeping next to you. 

Because of this you would try to move yourself as far away from possible from Cassian. But it seemed the further you moved away, the closer you would end up to him.

──────────────────────

Cassian noticed the day after he moved in that you had stopped wearing his clothes. He tried to get you to wear something, but you would ignore him. He would even purposefully leave out a shirt that you could wear, but you never touched it. As the days passed you still refused to wear anything of his.

He could tell you missed wearing them. 

However, he didn’t plan on saying anything until one night he came home late to find you sleeping restlessly in bed. You tossed and turned and pulled at your shirt. 

So the next night when he came home, he handed you one of his shirts and got into bed. 

However, instead of putting it on, you dropped it and climbed into bed right next to him. 

You decided that fighting yourself wasn’t the right thing to do. So you gave in. 

You turned to face him and snuggled into his side, breathing him in. 

His arm fell around your body and pulled you in closer. 

He slowly stroked your back and you were asleep within a few minutes. 

You had something better than Cassian’s clothes. You had Cassian _himself_.

──────────────────────

You would wake up every morning before him. You would lie there just staring at him for a few seconds before having to forcefully drag yourself away from his body. Sometimes if you were brave enough you would run your hand across his face or through his hair. However, you always gave him a kiss on the forehead before you quickly scurried out of the room.

Little did you know that Cassian was awake every morning. The second you left he would open his eyes and smile.

──────────────────────

Though rooming together was perfect, along with all the wonderful memories came the more… _unusual_ ones.

Cassian and you quickly made a pact to never tell anybody what crazy things happened in your room. 

_Unusual occurrence #1_ : 

You had a strange habit of going out of your way to do things. 

So when you approached the problem of getting something off the top of the shelf in your bedroom you didn’t do it the normal way. 

You decided to do something you had only ever done once in your life. 

After stomping over to the training room, you entered the air vent on the far side. A short climb later and the vent dropped you off right into your room, above your shelf. 

Hanging halfway out of the vent to grab what you needed from the top of your shelf, you flinched when the door to your room opened. 

You slipped slightly, “ _Fuck_.” 

You heard a sigh, “I thought we were done with air vents Y/N. Didn’t you learn your lesson last time you got stuck?” 

“Bite me.” You growled, grabbing what you needed and climbing back into the vent. 

You swore you heard Cassian mumbling, “ _gladly_ ”, but you _had_ to have been mistaken.

──────────────────────

_Unusual Occurrence #2_ :

You usually weren’t in your room during the day. You typically had a shit ton of work to do around the base either in the intelligence center or the hangar. 

But somehow you had found yourself going back to your room in the middle of the afternoon. 

You were exhausted. You hadn’t slept well last night. You were worried General Draven was keeping something important from you. So you decided to pack up early and go back to your room for a mid afternoon nap. 

However, when you opened the door you froze. 

What? 

There was Cassian. Sitting cross-legged on the ground, playing a guitar and singing to a group of happily beeping droids. 

His head shot up and he abruptly stopped playing. The droids beeped angrily and rolled toward you aggressively pushing you out of the door. 

“Um….I guess I’ll come back later?”

──────────────────────

_Unusual occurrence #3_ :

Cassian was proud to say that he had never been truly surprised by anything you had done. And you had done _a lot_ of weird shit. 

That all ended the day he walked in on you dressed in a poofy sleeved princess wedding dress looking positively miserable. 

Your arms were crossed and you were scowling at the woman who was flittering around you like an excited chicken. 

“Beautiful!” The woman exclaimed in a thick accent. She pulled your arms down, but you quickly crossed them again, “No!” She scolded. 

You pouted and the woman turned around, catching sight of Cassian standing frozen in the door, “Husband?” 

Cassian saw you freeze and then slowly turn to face him. Your face was devoid of color and your mouth wide open. 

“Yes?” Cassian asked, just as you screamed, “No!” 

The woman tsked, “I see. I shall leave you.” And then she was gone. 

Cassian opened his mouth, but you beat him to it. 

“Don’t say a _fucking_ word.” 

Cassian nodded and then backed slowly out of the room.

──────────────────────

_Unusual occurrence #4_ :

After walking in on Cassian singing to a group of droids you didn’t think it could get any weirder than that. 

You were wrong. 

Nothing beat the night you came home to find Cassian sitting on the floor wearing one of your shirts. Though that wasn’t even the weirdest part. Kay was blow drying his hair. 

The shirt was so tight on him you didn’t know how he could even move. 

Before you could even ask, Cassian cut you off. 

“All my shirts are wet?” He said shrugging confidently. 

“But why is Kay blow drying your hair?” 

Cassian looked guilty, “I may have exploded the washing machine?” 

Kay began shooing you out the door by blasting you with blow dryer, “But wait! That doesn’t explain why Kay is blowing drying your hair?”

──────────────────────

A few weeks later the base was back to normal and everyone began moving back to their own rooms.

Everyone but Cassian, that is. 

Cassian was nervous. He didn’t want to leave. He wanted to continue living with you. So he decided that he would just act like he didn’t know he was supposed to move back. He still hadn’t made a move so he _had_ to stay. 

A day passed. Cassian was still there. A week passed. He was still there. 

It was weeks later. 

Everybody had already moved back into their rooms, but Cassian was still in yours. 

He didn’t seem to be going anywhere. 

And you didn’t care.

──────────────────────

A week later you walked into the room to see Cassian standing next to two packed bags.

“You- um… you don’t have to leave. “ You said. 

Cassian smiled, “I know.” 

Your brows furrowed glancing down at his bags. 

“I’m going on a mission. I’ll be back next week.” 

“Oh. Right. I’ll see you soon?” 

He nodded and you stepped forward pulling him into a hug. He buried his face in your hair, holding onto you tight. 

And then he was gone. 

The next few days were torture. Sleeping without Cassian for the first time in weeks was horrible. You had gotten so used to his warmth that your bed felt cold and empty without him.

Even wearing his shirts wasn’t working. 

However, you didn’t have long to deal with it, because a few days later Draven called you in for a new mission. 

A big mission.

An undercover mission. 

“ _Five months_?!” You exclaimed staring at Draven in disbelief. 

Draven nodded, “You have two hours and then you’re gone.” 

You left the room in shock. A five-month mission. And Cassian wasn’t even on base. You couldn’t say goodbye. You wouldn’t see him for five months. _Five months_. 

You thought back to your last moment with him. His arms tight around you. Your face buried into his chest. You held onto that moment as you packed up your ship and headed off on your mission, your chest tight with anticipation and longing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next up: how did I never notice how safe you made me feel(until you were gone) aka First Time you were separated for 5 months


	9. how can I live without you (when it makes me feel as if I lost a part of myself)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> aka First time you and Cassian are separated for 5 months 
> 
> Time Cassian and Reader have known each other: 1 year

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Being away from someone you love is shitty. Like really shitty. Also I think I read this like 7 times today so I may have missed a spelling mistake or grammar or something so feel free to point it out. But I hope you enjoy!

A five-month mission. 

You still couldn’t believe it. 

Ever since you had left you had felt off. 

You wanted to message Cassian, but you weren’t allowed to. Communication had been forbidden during this mission. 

You had always hated missions like this. Ever since you had trained new rebels to do your job, they had been taking all your easier missions. You didn’t mind at first, because those missions had always been slightly boring and unadventurous. However, once you realized that stuck you with all the insanely long and difficult missions, you were begging for the boring ones. 

But you weren’t given them. 

Instead you were given a five month long undercover mission. 

You’d only ever been undercover once. And it hadn’t turned out too well. So you were surprised when Draven sent you and not one of his intelligence agents. 

You were sent to infiltrate an imperial military base to find another undercover agent. She had been undercover in the empire for three years. The rebellion needed her out, but had no way of communicating with her. 

So you were sent. You would find her. You would get her out. You would bring her home.

──────────────────────

Cassian planned to tell you how he felt when he arrived back at base.

He knew that he had taken long enough and he was ready to be yours. He had been planning and planning. He had even made a list of all the different ways he could ask you out. He’d shoved it in his drawer before he left. He didn’t want you to accidentally find it especially since you lived together now. 

As he left his ship he didn’t see you. That was _weird_. You were always there waiting for him. So where were you?

Maybe you were in a meeting and couldn’t get out? Maybe you had fallen asleep? Maybe? _Maybe_?

He arrived at your room only to find it cold and stale. Half your things were missing. He knew something was up. However, before he could begin searching, there was a knock at the door. 

It was Mila, one of your trainees from months ago. She had graduated your number one student and was now one of the best bounty hunters. 

She looked solemn. 

And Cassian knew.

“Where’s Y/N?” 

“On a mission.” 

Cassian relaxed. But Mila didn’t. He grew worried.

“Is something wrong? It’s just a mission?” Cassian questioned his brows furrowed. 

“No, you don’t understand Y/N is on a long mission. An _undercover_ mission. A “not going to be back for another _five_ months” mission. Maybe even more. We’re not exactly sure. We had no information. We still don’t have information. Y/N went in blind.”

Cassian’s heart dropped. _Five months_. He quickly thanked Mila, bid her a goodnight and all but shoved her out the door. She nodded in understanding. 

Cassian shut the door. He felt empty. The room felt wrong. Part of him didn’t even want to stay there. However, he knew without a part of you he would go crazy. Your room was all he had left of you right now. 

Before he realized it he had picked up his comlink and clicked on your name. It rang. And rang. And _rang_. But it didn’t connect. 

He was just about to hang up when he heard a faint ringing in the room. He began to tear everything apart until he found your comlink buried in the blankets. 

He couldn’t message you. Even if he could…. what would he even say.

──────────────────────

You missed Cassian.

You missed his smile. His eyes. His laughter. His hugs. The way he would cuddle you close at night. The way he would grab your hand when walking down the hall, his thumb brushing over your knuckles. The way he would make you laugh until your chest hurt. The way he would look at you. 

You just missed _him_. You weren’t used to being alone anymore. 

All you had to remind yourself of him were a few shirts you had stolen out of his drawer before you left.

──────────────────────

Almost three months into your mission you were finally able to successfully infiltrate the Empire as a politician from a far off planet.

You had been looking for a sign of the undercover rebel, but you couldn’t seem to find her anywhere. All you knew was that she was female. Draven hadn’t given you her name, her picture or even her undercover job. You were flying in blind. 

One day you were walking through the imperial base and accidentally bumped into a woman. When you looked into her eyes you just knew. It was her. 

She reminded you of how yourself. How you had been before. _Before you met Cassian_. 

She looked broken, but still resilient. 

You mumbled an apology quickly followed by the contact code Draven had given you. The woman shot back against the wall as if she had been shocked. 

You threw up your hands and she looked at you for a moment before relaxing immediately. 

You quickly moved her out of the public hallway and into a side room.

“You’re going to get me out of here?” 

You nodded and she smiled. 

You both knew it was going to be a while until you were able to get out. It wouldn’t easy to leave. It would take careful planning. And if anything went wrong you could end up leading the Empire back to your base. 

But you both had hope. Hope you would get home in one piece.

──────────────────────

You and Nei, your fellow rebel, began to hang out in public places. You knew it would be weird to be seen with her every single day so you staggered your meetings. You had to act as new friends would. After a few weeks you were certain that nobody would suspect anything so you and Nei became roommates.

You also became quick friends. 

At first, even though you and Nei seemed to bond fairly quickly over plans of your escape, you didn’t share anything too personal. You were both still cautious around each other, because you _were_ strangers. 

It wasn’t until a few weeks into living together that you shared something private. 

“You really love them, don’t you?” 

Your head snapped up and you shoved the picture you had been looking at under your pillow, “Love whom? What? I don’t love anybody. There’s no one. Nope. Nada. No one.”

Nei laughed stretching her hand out towards you, wiggling her fingers, “Y/N we have been rooming together for weeks. You look at that picture every night. It has to be someone you love. Trust me. I know what love looks like. I can see it in your eyes. You love them. So gimme. I want to see.“

“I do.” You said softly, “I love him.” You said out loud for the first time, your heart sinking slightly, thinking about how much you missed him. 

Nei nodded in satisfaction, “Tell me about him.” 

You blushed grabbing the picture from underneath the pillow and looking down at it once more before handing it to her. 

The picture was of Cassian. One of your favorite pictures of him. It had been a normal day. Cassian had been sitting next to your ship waiting for you to finish up your work. He was sprawled out against a crate wearing the crochet hat you had made him. It was ugly. But he loved it. You don’t remember what you had said to him. But it made him laugh. He looked so carefree and happy in the moment that you wanted to capture it forever. So you did. 

Nei smiled slightly and looked up expectantly at you. 

“He’s my best friend. He’s _wonderful_. So pure and passionate. He cares so deeply and loves like no other. He pulled me out of the darkness when we met. I was in such a bad place and he helped me find my strength. I don’t know what I would do without him. He’s my everything.” 

“But you haven’t told him.” 

You shook your head, “How could I? If he doesn’t like me back I could ruin everything. Even if he does like me, do I really want to risk adding romance to our relationship?” 

Nei snorted handing the picture back to you, “But see that’s the thing. There’s _already_ romance in your relationship. You just haven’t talked about it yet. You love him and it’s positively clear he loves you back.” 

“I’m not so sure. “

──────────────────────

It wasn’t until a few weeks later that you actually believed her.

You had slowly been making your way through Cassian’s clothes. You couldn’t sleep well without them. It wasn’t as good as having the _actual_ Cassian, but it was better than nothing. 

But that night when you reached into your bag to grab one of his shirts something fell out of it. You quickly put the shirt on and reached down to grab whatever had dropped. 

A piece of paper? 

What was that doing in Cassian’s shirt? 

You unfolded the papers and froze. 

Your eyes scanned back and forth 10 times. 

“What have you got there?” 

You jumped, dropping the paper. Nei reached down and grabbed it. You let out a squeak and tried to take it back, but she held it out of your reach. 

She pulled it close to her face, her eyes squinting. 

“AHA! I knew it! I told you. I’m a genius! I call being in your wedding!”

──────────────────────

Cassian was sitting in his workshop trying to figure out what had been on the list of plans he had written for asking you out. He swore he had put it in his drawer, but he couldn’t find it anywhere.

However, if he wanted to ask you when you got back he had to start brainstorming again. 

_Cassian’s List of Ways to Profess his Love to Y/N_

1\. ~~Put something in Y/N’s favorite cake~~ (the probability of Y/N eating and/or choking on the note would be above 90% -Kay)

2\. Scavenger hunt around the base…. without anyone finding out? 

3\. Buying Y/N’s favorite book and ~~writing~~ posting a note on the inside cover 

4\. ~~Baking Y/N a pizza~~ (Cassian last time you tried to bake you set fire to the base’s kitchen –Kay)

5\. Decorating the inside of ~~Y/N’s ship~~ _somewhere_ so he could set up a nice dinner ( ~~Y/N’s ship isn’t even here –Kay~~ )

6\. Singing Y/N a cheesy song that I wrote (with help from the droids singing backup)

7\. _Just tell Y/N you idiot_ -Mila

As Cassian reread his list his brows furrowed at number 7. He didn’t write that. 

“So when are you professing your love to Y/N?” 

Cassian jumped whacking his head against the wall, “ _Fuck Mila_. Shouldn’t you be writing a mission report? ” 

“ _Language_! And hey don’t change the subject. Answer my question.” 

Cassian shrugged trying to hide the paper before Mila could see it, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” 

Mila sighed loudly dropping down to sit beside Cassian, “Cassian. I literally saw you writing your list. I wrote on your list. Y/N. Love. Professing. Do it. _Now_.”

──────────────────────

Your mission was finally over.

You and Nei were able to get back to Yavin 4 in one piece. It hadn’t been easy and you had to fight your way out, but you were finally home. 

The second you landed you were out of your ship and racing to your room, leaving Nei behind, who was screaming, “ _good luck_!”. 

As you reached your door you realized too late that you didn’t have your access card. 

So you did the only thing you could think of. You started banging loudly on the door. 

_No answer_. 

You started kicking it letting out a frustrated groan. 

_Still no answer_. 

Where the fuck was he?

It was four in the morning. He had to be there. He wasn’t on another mission. You had checked. He _had_ to be there. 

You slammed your fist into the door one more time and turned ready to go search the rest of the base, when you heard the groan of the door opening. 

And there stood a perfect, yet exhausted looking Cassian. You could tell you had woken him up. His hair was ruffled. He was aggressively rubbing his hand across his face. And he looked grumpy as fuck. 

He was also only wearing pajama pants and you weren’t able to pull your gaze away from his chest until you heard his voice. 

“What the _fuck_? Someone better be dying.” 

“Well. Not dying. But I mean I have a pretty important question to answer. If you’d only do the asking part?” 

Cassian’s head shot up his eyes blinking hard. You stood there silently watching him try to piece together that you were actually there. 

“Y/N? You’re here?! When did you get back? Are you alright? Why are you covered in blood?!” His voice cracked.

You glanced down at yourself in surprise. You had wanted to see him so bad that you hadn’t even bothered to clean up first. 

As you opened your mouth to reply his eyes shot down to the piece of paper you had crumpled in your hand. And it finally hit him what you had initially said. You had his paper. The paper he had been using to try and ask you out. 

“Oh. _Oh_.” He took a step forward, “So does that mean you have an answer for me?” 

You rocked back on your heels, blushing slightly, “Don’t you have something to ask me first?” 

Cassian beamed running a hand nervously through his hair, “Y/N, will you-“

But before he could even finish the question you shot forward knocking the breath out of him. 

You arms were tight around his chest and you buried your face into his neck. 

“Y/N?” 

You squeezed him a little tighter and then tried to pull back, only to have Cassian’s arms tighten around you. You chuckled shoving him back a little. Your hands reached out to touch his chest feeling his racing heartbeat. One hand slowly rose up until it was cupping his face. You brushed your thumb across his cheek and he sighed. 

Just as he opened his mouth to say something your other hand shot up grabbing his hair and pulling his face to yours. 

The second your lips touched his you felt complete.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THE LOVEEEEEE IS BEGINNING I’M SO EXCITED CAN YOU TELL?! YOU’RE GETTING ALL THE FLUFF THE NEXT FEW CHAPTERS 
> 
> Next up: I knew the second I saw you (that you were meant to be mine) aka First official asking out


	10. I knew the second I saw you (that you were meant to be mine)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> aka First official asking out 
> 
> Time Cassian and Reader have known each other: 1 year and a day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LOVE IS IN THE AIIIIIIIIRRRRRRRRR <3

You and Cassian stumbled into your room your lips locked together.

Cassian’s hands scrambled for purchase on your body, they settled on your hips yanking you flush against him. Your hands grabbed onto his shoulders steadying yourself and when you ensured you wouldn’t tumble over, you raised up onto your toes wrapping your arms around his neck and tangling your fingers into his hair.

You felt Cassian’s hand reach around you trying to shut the door, but when he couldn’t reach it, he shoved you back against it, finally slamming it shut.

He pushed you flat against the door, his hands tight around your waist while your nails scratched through his hair, eliciting a deep moan from him.

His hands loosened from your waist and began to tug at your shirt. You chuckled pulling away from his lips, “If you wanted me out of my shirt all you had to do was ask.”

Cassian’s eyes were dark as he ripped your bloodied shirt off, throwing it across the room, “I don’t like being reminded how close I came to losing you.”

Your hand grabbed the back of his head, and you pulled him toward you until your foreheads were touching, “You are _never_ going to lose me.”

And once again you pulled him down until his lips met yours. His lips were soft but unyielding against yours. You moaned as his mouth forced yours open.

You pulled your face away with a gasp, and tilted your head back looking toward the ceiling. Your eyes snapped closed with a moan when you felt him pepper kisses along your jaw and down your neck.

If you had known kissing Cassian was this wonderful you would have jumped him _months_ ago. You were kissing the love of your life and you couldn’t get enough. You would never be able to go back from this moment. You would never be able to forget how his lips felt brushing over yours. How tight his hands gripped on your body. How much you just wanted _him_.

You pushed back against the wall behind you, propelling you and Cassian over to your bed. You shoved him back so he fell onto his back. You stood between his legs looking down at him. He looked positively gorgeous, his hair was mussed and his red lips quirked up into a smile.

You leaned over and gently pressed a kiss to his cheek. And then his forehead. And then his jaw. Cassian’s eyes darkened and he reached up pulling you down on top of him.

You straddled his waist leaning over him, until he suddenly sat up pulling you with him. His mouth found a sensitive place on your neck and you knew you would _definitely_ have a bruise tomorrow. 

You gasped in pleasure, yet somehow managed to force a question out. “Why is the bed made?”

Cassian growled against your skin, “Really? Is this _really_ the time?”

He bit lightly on your neck and your fingers dug into his back causing him to let out a deep groan.

“It’s made. So where were you sleeping?”

“I _wasn’t_ sleeping. I couldn’t sleep knowing that you weren’t here. That you could be somewhere hurt. Somewhere where I couldn’t help you.”

You pushed Cassian back slightly so you could look into his eyes. They were dark with bad memories. You leaned in gently peppering his face with kisses until you felt his mouth grow into a smile. 

“God, I love you.” You mumbled without thinking.

You felt Cassian freeze under you.

“I love you so much. I didn’t know I could feel this way about someone.”

You grinned and Cassian weaved his fingers into your hair, his thumb sweeping across your cheek. You leaned into his hand closing your eyes with a soft sigh.

Cassian smirked and quickly flipped you over so that you were lying under him. He leaned in and his lips _just_ touched yours when a knock sounded at the door.

“Y/N! Open the fuck up!”

You pulled your head away from Cassian, sighing loudly. The knocking sounded again, louder this time, and Cassian dropped his head to your chest, grumbling in annoyance.

“What do you want Nei?” You shouted causing Cassian to wince. You mumbled a quiet sorry as you brushed your hand over the back of his head.

“Draven wants to talk to you.”

“What the fuck?” You mumbled into Cassian’s hair, “Tell him I’m busy and to fuck off.”

“He’s standing right here. He says to get your ass off of Cassian and get out here.”

“Fuck off Draven. I’ll debrief in the afternoon. And Cassian’s ass is on me not the other way around.”

Draven’s frustrated voice flowed through the door, “Y/N, you very well know I have the override code to every door.”

“Unless you want to see the very scandalous position Cassian and I are in, I hope you reconsider. And don’t forget I still have enough information to blackmail your ass. Or did you forget about that? How about I tell everyone about that time I saw you dancing around wearing a s-“

Draven coughed, “Right. Yes. See you in the afternoon.”

“Wait, I want to know this sensitive information!” Nei screamed.

“Go to bed Nei! I’ll tell you in the morning.”

“Ugh fine. Nice to meet you, Cassian. Be safe. I don’t need a niece or nephew running around just yet.”

“I’m not even going to reply to that.”

Her laughter faded as she moved down the hall away from your room.

Groaning in annoyance, you pushed Cassian off of you until he collapsed on his side. You turned over and snuggled into him with a wide yawn.

Cassian’s arms came up to wrap tight around you and he pressed a kiss to your head. You closed your eyes and contently buried your face into him.

“So I never asked you that question.”

Silence.

“Y/N?” Cassian looked down to find that you had fallen asleep against him. He smiled slightly and brushed the hair back from your face, deciding to ask you tomorrow. He pulled you closer and fell into the first restful sleep he had in months.

──────────────────────

You woke up hours later. It was the first time in _months_ that you had slept through the night. You begrudgingly untangled yourself from Cassian and rolled out of bed. You shivered slightly as you stumbled into the bathroom.

You groaned slightly, catching sight of yourself in the mirror. You were still covered with dirt and blood and your body ached in places you knew would hold severe bruises.

As you cleaned yourself up you caught sight of bruises littered along your neck. With a quick glance back at Cassian sleeping soundly in the other room, you smiled thinking about how you couldn’t _wait_ to start that up again.

You changed into a clean tank top and pants when you heard a panicked shout from the bedroom.

Sprinting back into the room you saw Cassian sitting up in bed panting.

You flew over to him and sat right next to him, making sure not to touch him.

“Hey. _Hey_. What’s going on?”

After a second, Cassian seemed to register your presence and he pulled you into his arms and buried his face into your hair, breathing you in.

You felt him relax as he whispered softly, “I thought I had dreamed it all. I thought you weren’t really here.”

You tightened your grip on him, “I’m here. You have me. _Forever_. Come here.”

You slowly laid down guiding Cassian’s head to rest on your chest. His hand gripped your shirt and he began to match his breathing to yours.

It was quiet for a few minutes.

Cassian drew in a breath to speak.

Knock. Knock. Bang. 

“Fuck.”

“Y/N! Draven really needs to see you. It’s 4pm. He’s pissed.”

You groaned, lightly pushing Cassian off your body. You reached into your drawer pulling out one of Cassian’s shirts quickly throwing it on.

With a quick wink to Cassian you sauntered over to open the door.

“Mhm mhm mhm. What have we here?”

You groaned leaning against the door frame, “Nei. _Nothing_ happened.”

“Suuuuuure.”

Before you could respond, a shirtless Cassian appeared at your side, his hair sticking up in all places.

“ _Oh_. Yes. I totally believe you now.”

You shot Cassian a look, “Really Cassian. _Really_?”

Cassian’s brows furrowed, “What did I do?”

“Nothing.” You lightly complained pushing off the door frame and taking off down the hall.

──────────────────────

Cassian watched as you flew down the hall, vanishing around the corner. He smiled slightly turning to go back into the room when he caught sight of a woman still standing there. Nei?

“Y/N really loves you.”

Cassian nodded, “And I really love Y/N.”

“I know you do. Don't you dare hurt-.”

Cassian interrupted, “I wouldn’t even think about it. You’re Nei? The woman that Y/N just broke out of the imperial base?”

Nei smirked turning on heel and walking down the hall.

“You didn’t answer my question!”

“I know!” She sung.

──────────────────────

Cassian _still_ hadn’t officially asked you out.

He knew he technically didn’t _need_ to make huge spectacle out of it, but he wanted to. He wanted it to be perfect. The rebellion had been his life for so long that he never thought he would end up with someone. And now that he had someone, he wanted it all. All the memories. All the love. All of _you_.

At first it had caught him off guard how quickly he had fallen for you, but now he realized that he had wasted so much time. He could have been yours months ago. And now that he had you. He wasn’t letting you go. 

You made him feel complete. You made him feel safe. He hadn’t felt truly safe in years. He hadn’t been able to relax or sleep or have fun in years. Until he met you. You turned his life upside down. You made him stop hiding from his true self. You made him feel _human_ again.

He couldn’t wait to ask you out.

However, every time he tried to ask you, _something_ interrupted him.

After three times, he was about to give up.

──────────────────────

_Asking Out Failure #1_

Cassian had successfully baked you a cake.

He may have ended up covered in flour and the kitchen may or may not be covered with icing, but it had worked.

Cassian finished off the icing and grinned down at his work. He took off out the door leaving the cake on the counter in the rebellion’s kitchen.

Reaching the debriefing room, he paced back and forth waiting for you to finish up. He knew you would probably say yes, but it didn’t help his racing heart.

Cassian smiled when the door _finally_ opened and you stepped out, grumpy face and all. As you caught sight of him, your face lit up immeasurably.

Without a word, Cassian grabbed your hand and quickly led you down the hall and into the kitchen. He was all but jumping with excitement.

Wanting to surprise you, he placed you outside the door, telling you to wait. He went inside to grab the cake.

But it was gone.

 _What the fuck_?

He searched high and low through the kitchen. But it was nowhere to be found. All that was left on the counter was the empty plate it had been sitting on.

Hearing the door swing open behind him, Cassian turned around.

“Woah, what happened in here? Was it the cake?”

Cassian flinched, “Cake? What cake?”

“Some rebels were talking about a cake they found on the counter. Apparently it was hard as a rock and broke someone’s tooth. Why are you holding an empty plate?”

Cassian’s head snapped down looking at the dreaded plate. Without thinking he threw it to the side quickly shattering it against the wall, “Um, what plate?”

“Did you just break that plate?”

Cassian groaned rubbing a hand down his face. He grabbed your shoulders and steered you out of the kitchen, “I’d rather not talk about it.”

──────────────────────

_Asking Out Failure #2_

After the epic cake failure, Cassian decided set up a special dinner for you in his ship.

He spent hours cleaning the crevices and decorating the walls with lights. He even bribed the rebellion’s chef to cook a fancy dinner.

It was all set to go.

He sent a quick message to you asking you to meet him in the hangar for a surprise. You arrived a few minutes later and he grabbed your hand bringing it to his lips for a quick kiss. He watched as your mouth quirked up and he placed his hand on your back leading you into the hangar.

As he led you over to his ship, he focused his attention solely on you.

That’s the reason why he didn’t notice that his ship was gone.

“Cassian where are we going?”

He turned with a big smile and gestured…

To a big empty space.

“Um, am I supposed to be looking at anything in particular?”

Cassian’s head snapped around, “What?”

His ship was gone. Cassian cursed softly under his breath and looked around. He reached over picking a lone flower off the ground, which must have fallen off the ship before it took off.

He tucked it behind you ear and led you out of the hangar with a soft sigh.

──────────────────────

_Asking out Failure #3_

Nothing could go wrong this time. Nothing could fuck this up. All he needed was his guitar and his voice. He could do this.

Cassian had convinced some droids he frequently sang for to help him sing (more like beep) backup vocals. 

Everything was prepared. He had the song ready; the droids were “warming up” in the bedroom. Nothing should have gone wrong.

But of course it did.

Long story short. A droid stole his guitar.

That may need repeating.

 _A droid. Stole. His. Guitar_.

Why BB4 took Cassian’s guitar is behind him. 

Cassian was on the verge of giving up. But he wouldn’t. He couldn’t. Even if all these failed attempts were making him slowly lose his mind.

──────────────────────

This had been the longest day of your life. You swore that Cassian was going to _officially_ ask you out, but every time it seemed like he was going to he didn’t.

You knew it wasn’t necessary and you could easily ask him out yourself, but he had put so much effort into planning that you knew he wanted to do it himself.

You just hoped that he would do it soon. The sooner the better. You wanted Cassian to be _yours_.

──────────────────────

This had been the longest day of Cassian’s life. He still hadn’t been able to ask you out. After three failures he was at his wits end.

Cassian entered your bedroom slamming the door shut. He let out a groan and began pacing the room.

“Just say it. Say Y/N, will you go out with me? Y/N will you give me the pleasure of going out with you? Y/N I have your favorite food go out with me please? Why is this so HARD?!”

──────────────────────

You opened the door to find Cassian pacing the room. He was mumbling aggressively to himself. Just as you were about to make your presence known he let out a groan and screamed.

“GOD FUCKING DAMMIT. Y/N WILL YOU GO OUT WITH ME?”

“Um yes?”

Cassian whirled around his face bright red, “I…um-shit.“

“I said yes.”

Cassian groaned grabbing his hair, “This isn’t how I wanted to ask you!”

You let out a light chuckle, “Cassian I didn’t need a 10 string symphony. I just need _you_.”

Cassian shot forward picking you up, and spinning you around.

He set you down, and just as he leaned in you stopped him.

“Nope. No kissing till after our first date.”

“What? _What if I convince you otherwise_?”

“I’d like to see you try.”

Cassian smirked, “Challenge accepted.”

And then the lights flickered and shut off.

* _Lock down has been implemented. Please remain calm and move to the hangar for lock down procedures_ *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next up: secrets never stay hidden (when you’re stuck in a room with 500 people) aka First time everyone found out about you and Cassian


	11. secrets never stay hidden (when you room with 500 other people)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> aka First time everyone found out about you and Cassian 
> 
> Time Cassian and Reader have known each other: 1 year and two weeks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mwahahahahaha surprise! Didn’t think I would get this up since I have finals this week but I did and I’m proud! Hope everyone in school is surviving finals I know I’m not….. anyways I hope this cheers you all up and I hope you enjoy!!!!

You and Cassian had been interrupted once again. _Though this time it was something serious_. 

The base had been put under lockdown. _For the first time ever_. No one knew what was going on, but everybody knew it was serious. Worried looks passed between rebels. People huddled close in the cold of the eerily silent hangar. Everybody was on edge and the tension in the air was palpable. 

The hangar was empty of ships and was instead full of emergency tents and hundreds of cots. It was strange to see it without its usually bustling vibe.

Some people were already asleep on the cots, but most were anxiously pacing the floor waiting for news on the lock down and their fellow rebels that were off-planet. Many rebels were still on missions. And were now stranded without any contact or way back.

When the alarm had first sounded, you and Cassian had been startled. Though you had planned for this exact occasion, you had never believed it would ever happen. With quick worried glances at each other, you each quietly packed a bag and took off toward the hangar.

Upon arriving, you went your separate ways, Cassian offering you a vague explanation and a promise to find you later.

After ensuring that everything was secure and in place for lock down you found yourself in front of the tent you had been informed was General Draven’s. You paced for a few minutes before deciding to burst past the guard. Surprisingly, he let you through with little resistance.

Without even looking up, Draven said, “Y/N. We have a situation.”

You snorted, “Oh? Really? I didn’t notice.”

Draven glared at you and you sighed, “Sorry. Continue.”

Draven rubbed his face exhaustively, “We have reason to believe that our base has been compromised.”

You inhaled sharply. If the base was compromised why hadn’t it been evacuated?

“Compromised? A spy infiltrated the base?”

“No. Thankfully not.” 

You breathed a sigh of relief.

“One of our intelligence agents was on Tatooine when she heard an imperial agent say the Empire believed our base to be on Yavin 4. They are going to be searching the planet within the next two weeks. Before lock down, I sent out a message to a spy inside the empire who is going to make sure they don’t find anything. But for now, we have to lay low. No one can leave and no one can come in.”

You nodded in agreement, “What about all the rebels that are stranded on missions?”

“They were informed before lock down that they are now on their own for the time being.” Draven explained.

You nodded solemnly. 

_It was going to be a long two weeks_. 

Though you had more questions, Draven dismissed you with plans to meet up later.

You left the tent and immediately began searching for Cassian.

You found his bag lying by one of the cots, but he was nowhere to be seen. You asked around, but no one had seen him. After searching for a good 10 minutes, _how big was this fucking hangar_ , you finally found him.

He was sitting in the far corner of the hangar, surrounded by children, droids, and some adults. You must not have noticed that he grabbed his guitar before you left because there he was playing and singing for everybody.

The children were dancing around to the music, the droids were beeping along, and the adults were smiling that their children could focus on something good during this time.

You leaned against the wall just watching him.

Cassian’s smile was bright and his voice was soothing. You closed your eyes letting his singing wash you into a calm of relaxation. When you opened your eyes again your gaze locked with Cassian’s. He smiled and winked at you before focusing back on the children.

──────────────────────

After listening to Cassian sing for a little while, you left to go find a place to relax for the night. You were exhausted. It had only been two days since had gotten back from your 5-month mission and you had barely slept the night before. You settled down on one of the cots and closed your eyes.

Just as you began to drift off, you felt something shove the edge of the cot and you groaned.

“So…..you and Cassian? How’s that going?” Came a sing-songy voice.

You grumbled, slumping further into the cot. “Ugh, Nei. I’m trying to sleep.”

“Hey! It’s not just me who wants to know!”

You sat up abruptly and glared at her, “What?! Who else did you tell?”

Mila stepped out from behind Nei, waving slightly, “Just me.”

You scrunched up your face, “When did you two become friends?”

Mila and Nei shared a mischievous smirk. _Well, that can’t be good_. 

Mila had always been a relatively calm person. However, now that she seemed to be friends with Nei, you could see that changing very fast.

You pulled your legs up and rested your forehead against your knees with an irritated sigh. You felt a hand gently brush against your lower back and you immediately leaned back into the body behind you. Cassian lowered his head to your shoulder and brushed a quick kiss against your cheek.

Mila screeched, “You’re actually together?! Nei told me but I didn’t believe it. Oh my god, I can’t wait to tell everyone.”

You felt Cassian stiffen behind you, as you shook your head, “No no no, we are so not ready for that yet. _We haven’t even gone on a date yet_.”

Cassian snorted causing Nei and Mila to swing their gazes to him.

“Y/N won’t even kiss me until our first date, so I don’t see how anyone would even find out.” Cassian grumbled.

A laugh shot out of Nei and she bent over trying to catch her breath. A few minutes later she still hadn’t stopped and you sighed turning to whisper in Cassian’s ear that you were going to talk to Draven.

──────────────────────

Once you were gone, Nei immediately straightened up and whispered something to Mila.

“So…” Nei said turning around, “We have an idea. You’re going to try to break Y/N.” 

Cassian frowned, “ _Break_?”

“Yes. Break. You said you can’t kiss Y/N until your first date. So since you can’t do it. Make Y/N do it. Do anything. Touches. Innuendos. Flirting. Nothing’s off limits. You can’t be too obvious though because no one else should know. But if Y/N gives in, you win. If Y/N sticks it out or you break, she wins.”

Cassian pondered it over smirking slowly, “I’m in.”

──────────────────────

Cassian began slowly. He didn’t want you to catch on too quickly. He acted like he normally would, placing a warm hand on your back or gently brushing your hair back.  
And as you continued to smile and lean into his affections, he took it a step further.

 _Maybe more than a few steps_ … 

He didn’t pull his punches. The teasing increased tenfold and he knew it was driving you insane.

He could see you holding your breath as he ran his fingertips across your skin, goose bumps forming underneath his hands.

He could see you shiver every time that he leaned close, whispering into your ear.

He could see your eyes flutter shut when his fingers brushed through your hair.

He could hear you moan quietly when his fingers dug into your waist, pulling you close to his side.

He knew the _exact_ places that would drive you insane.

──────────────────────

_Cassian was driving you insane_.

You had no idea what was going on, but he was acting _very affectionate_ all of a sudden. And you couldn’t handle it.

You couldn’t focus. All you could think about was him.

His lips. His smile. His voice. His hands.

His hands were the worst. They were everywhere. On your back, in your hair, brushing against your hand, slipping between your shirt and pants and settling under the waistband.

You couldn’t think anymore. Every time you would try to talk to someone, you’d lose your train of thought either at the memory of Cassian’s hands on your body or because Cassian snuck up behind you subtly caressing you with his touch.

And it wasn’t long until Cassian upped the game _even further_.

──────────────────────

You were ready to fight back.

If he wanted to play dirty, you would play dirty right back.

As you were contemplating your plan, Nei and Mila scooted up next to you.

“Cassian driving you crazy yet?”

You squinted your eyes in suspicion, “What did you do?”

“We may have nudged him just a little.”

“What did you do?” You repeated.

Mila giggled, “She convinced Cassian to seduce you until you kiss him.”

Your mouth dropped open.

 _Oh, it was so on_.

──────────────────────

Cassian had just finished speaking to Draven. He was concerned about what this lockdown meant for the rebellion, but he had faith that they would make it through this.

As he stepped out of Draven’s tent, he scanned the hangar for you. You weren’t on your cot; you didn’t seem to be anywhere. He kept searching until he finally found you. 

And when he did, his eyes darkened.

There you were.

 _Standing next to Antilles_. 

Everyone loved him. And Cassian couldn’t blame them. He was nice. He was attractive. He was a great rebel.

Cassian couldn’t argue with any good thing said about him.

But that didn’t mean he wasn’t annoyed that you seemed to be flirting with him. 

He didn’t even know you knew him.

But there you were standing next to him, your hand rubbing up and down his arm, laughing at something he said.

The satisfied smile on Wedge’s face was enough to get Cassian stalking toward you.

However just before he reached you, he caught sight of Nei and Mila standing off to the side giggling.

He stopped short furrowing his brows.

He watched you closely for a second and saw you give a subtle thumbs-up to Mila and Nei, who in turn pointed to Cassian. Your head slowly turned, making sure to act like you were still paying attention to Antilles. Your eyes met his.

You smirked, biting your lip.

And then you winked.

 _Nei and Mila must have told you_. 

_Oh, it was so on_.

──────────────────────

To say you weren’t prepared for Cassian’s competitiveness was an understatement. You had no idea what you were in for.

Even though the days during the lock down were busy with meetings, briefings, and procedural meetings, he used every free moment to break you. And you were ready to cave.

He really pushed the boundaries one day when he decided to spar with another rebel. You had been taking inventory for Draven when you saw Cassian pull of his shirt out of the corner of your eye.

You froze staring at him in disbelief.

He was standing there shirtless and panting. After sparring for the past 10 minutes he was drenched in sweat. As the drops dripped down his body, your eyes followed them over the curve of his stomach involuntarily.

You were snapped out of your thoughts when you saw Cassian’s head turn to you. He threw you a quick wink before dropping to do some push-ups.

A squeak escaped your throat and the rebel next to you asked if you were alright as you ran off to the other side of the hangar.

──────────────────────

After weeks of torturing each other, it was safe to say neither of you won.

You actually both lost, (even though _technically_ you had totally won).

Big time.

After two weeks of being locked together trying to get each other to snap you were both on edge.

Everyone knew something was going on.

The looks you gave each other when you weren’t looking. The touches. The smiles. The flirting.

You and Cassian had become the distraction the rebels needed to get through the rest of the lock down, even if they weren’t exactly sure what was going on between you two. 

Nei, on the other hand, was getting rather sick of the fact that neither of you had given in. 

So she did what she did best. She butted in.

For days she pestered Cassian about his love life. All the rebels knew to steer clear; talking to Cassian about personal things never ended well.  
And end well it did not.

After a few days of pestering about why he didn’t date anyone, Cassian broke.

Cassian snapped, “Because I love someone else!”

“ _What_?!” 

“ _He what_?!”

“I love Y/N. I. LOVE. Y/N.” Cassian screamed. 

“I FUCKING KNEW IT!”

“You owe me $50!” 

“When are you getting married?!” 

“Have you been fucking with us for the past year, because I lost a shit ton of money on that bet!” 

“Fucking finally.” Draven muttered. 

You cleared your throat and Cassian turned slowly to face you, “I love you.”

“I know. I love you. ”

And then you were in his arms. And you were kissing. Finally. After weeks of teasing, you were finally together again. You were getting rather sick of this not kissing him thing. You had both wasted so much time already you didn’t want to waste anymore.

His lips slowly brushed against yours and sighed in relief. You didn’t dare deepen the kiss instead keeping the kiss slow and gentle. After weeks of pushing each other, you wanted a moment of calm. And this kiss was that moment.

You breathed him in, moving your lips deliberately against his. You loved this man more than you had ever loved anybody before. And you would be damned if anything ever got in between you two. 

You heard a small tittering from the crowd and you pulled away with a small gasp.

“We still haven’t gone on a date.” You whispered, nudging your nose against his. 

Cassian chuckled, “I think I can do something about that.”

And his arms tightened around you and mirroring him you immediately pushed yourself closer to him, the both of you ignoring the world around you. 

“ _Let’s leave them alone for a minute, okay_?”

The rebels scattered slowly, their eyes not leaving the two of you.

But you didn’t even notice. You didn’t even care.

You and Cassian were only focused on each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next up: it may have taken years (but somehow we got here) aka First date


	12. it may have taken years (but somehow we got here)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> aka First date 
> 
> Time Cassian and Reader have known each other: 1 year and 4 months

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This somehow took me so long to write and I don’t know why. Probably stressed between finals, and my two new jobs so ahhhhhhh save me?! I want to apologize in advance. You’ll know why. Hope you enjoy!!

You woke slowly. The brisk morning air permeated through the blankets and you grumbled, snuggling back into the body behind you. You felt a hand stroke your arm in response and turned burrowing yourself into Cassian’s side. 

He pressed a gentle kiss to your hair and you smiled sleepily into his chest. 

Waking up like this was your favorite part of the day. Nothing would ever beat how wonderful it felt to wake up in his arms. 

Cassian was yours and you wouldn’t change that for anything in the world. 

Officially being with Cassian surprisingly hadn’t changed much about your relationship. Other than the sudden jump in affection. The looks, the words, the kissing, the touching. You didn’t have to hide your affection for each other anymore. 

Neither you nor Cassian had ever been ones to share your feelings whether in public or in private. But that had all changed when you met each other. You changed each other. You helped each other grow. And now you weren’t afraid of your feelings anymore. You weren’t afraid to show your love. You weren’t afraid to feel _human_. 

You had thought you and Cassian had been affectionate before, but it was even worse now. You both made sure to take advantage of your days spent on base together. 

From meals together to gentle gestures in the hallways, to getting caught making out in the base’s supply closet by General Draven; there was no limit. 

Your relationship was the talk of the base. It wasn’t unusual for fellow rebels to get together, but you and Cassian had been building this up for more than a year. Everybody knew it was only a matter of time. And everybody had something riding on it. It was a great distraction for everybody. 

The teasing had died down after a few weeks, though the stares didn’t seem to be going anywhere. You didn’t mind because at least it got people’s minds off of the lockdown a few months ago. Everybody was still on edge, but your relationship had been a way out for many. 

Everything was going well. 

Except for the fact that you still hadn’t gone on a date. It had been months. You had been busy rescuing rebels, and Cassian had been off on espionage missions. It seemed that it would be months before it finally happened. And months it was.

──────────────────────

Your first date didn’t happen until four months after you became a couple.

And you should have known that something would go wrong when it finally happened. 

You and Cassian hadn’t seen each other in a few days because you were both off on missions. You messaged every day even though it was technically against the rules. 

Draven may or may not have sent you a message reprimanding you two, though he knew there was nothing in the universe that could keep the two of you apart. 

You definitely missed him. And he missed you. But you were both slowly getting used to it. You and Cassian dealt with it in different ways. 

You wouldn’t be able to get through a mission without something to remember him by, so you would steal his shirts to sleep in, or sometimes Cassian would give you a trinket to hold onto. 

Cassian, on the other hand, would somehow push through his mission without you; however, once he returned he would hold you tight for hours on end, just breathing you in and basking in how safe he felt in your arms. 

To him, there was no place like in your embrace.

──────────────────────

It was a few days into your mission and you were just about to go to bed when you received a message from Cassian. He was coming to the planet you were currently stationed on.

Even though you were absolutely exhausted, you couldn’t find it in yourself to sleep. You knew he wouldn’t be on planet for another few hours, but all you could think about was seeing him. 

The hours slowly ticked by and you continued to pace back and forth in your room, periodically looking out the window for a glimpse of his ship. 

Five hours later, _you finally saw it_. And before you could even stop yourself you were out the door and running towards his landing ship. He had barely even opened the door when you jumped in and barreled into his body, knocking you both to the ground. 

Cassian tried to push the two of you up but you groaned in annoyance shoving him back onto the ground. His arms came up around your waist and began rubbing up and down your back. You snuggled your face into his jacket and he chuckled into your hair. 

“Miss me?” 

You nodded frantically pushing yourself closer. 

After a beat of silence you mumbled, “Mraw rw ywo hur?” 

“Need to speak up, fierabrás.” He laughed. 

You pulled your face out of his jacket with a sigh, “Why are you here?”

He hummed in acknowledgment, brushing a hand over your hair “That guy you’re rescuing. He never finished his mission. I was sent to gather the intel he was sent to find. Have you found him yet?” 

You shook your head leaning heavily against him. Your eyes closed and you hummed nuzzling into his chest. You felt Cassian sit up, pulling your body with him.

Cassian asked softly where your room was and you pulled the key out of your pocket shoving it at him. 

He lifted you into his arms and you were out.

──────────────────────

The next few days were spent planning your separate missions. You and Cassian made the best of being together away from the base, but you knew it was only a matter of time before you had to go back home.

About a week later, you officially began your mission. It had started off relatively well. You found the rebel. And Cassian went to retrieve the information he needed. 

However, everything went to hell when you arrived back at your room. You began packing waiting for Cassian to make it back so you could return back to base. But something didn’t feel right. 

_Something felt off_. 

The rebel you had rescued was twitchy and on edge, as if he was waiting for something to happen. 

Without making it obvious, you slowly reached for your gun that was strapped to your hip. Just as you pulled it out, the door slammed in and stormtroopers stormed the room. 

The rebel smirked, kicking the gun out of your hand and shoved you against the wall, before taking off out of the room. 

As you dropped to the ground scrambling for your weapon, a stormtrooper kicked you in the stomach and you collapsed against the wall. 

You reached your hand out blindly grabbing the first thing you felt, _a broom_. You gripped it strongly and swung out catching a trooper in the legs and knocking him to the ground. 

As you fought off the others you were once again backed against the wall. You whipped out in a panic, catching a few stormtroopers in your path. But you were outnumbered. You could see past the stormtroopers and out the window that the “rebel” you had saved, was entering your ship. You cursed him silently, as you continued to fight. 

You were shoved even farther into a corner when an explosion rocked the room. 

_Cassian_. 

“Need a hand?”

──────────────────────

Cassian managed to fight off the remaining stormtroopers as you slumped down sitting against the wall in pain and shock.

After knocking the last stormtrooper to the ground, he sent a quick message to General Draven telling him what had occurred. Draven told him to hold tight on the planet until someone could come pick the both of you up. 

Shutting his comlink, he glanced over at you. You were curled in on yourself, your eyes glazed over. 

He walked over towards you and crouched down in front of your slightly shaking body. 

“Hey,” he whispered softly, “You alright?” 

It took a second, but you nodded at his words. 

“Wanna go on that date?” 

You looked up into his eyes for a second, before looking down at yourself. His gaze followed yours as he took in your bruised dirt-covered body. 

Cassian reached out grabbing your chin and tilting your head up to meet his. 

“ _Hey. You’re perfect_. “ He said placing a soft kiss on your lips. As he pulled away he felt you lean into him, not wanting your lips to be separated from his. 

“Let’s go.” He said pulling you up. He placed his arm around your waist and you both went to find somewhere to eat.

──────────────────────

You and Cassian were exhausted, but alive. You both leaned on each other limping at injuries you probably shouldn’t be ignoring.

But in that moment you didn’t care. 

You managed to stumble into a small diner, choosing a table in the back. You fell in a seat with a grunt. Cassian placed his jacket around you and dropped in the seat beside you. 

A server came over and took your orders, but before he could scurry away you grabbed his arm, pulling him down to whisper something in his ear. 

He smiled looking over at Cassian before taking off into the back. 

Cassian looked at you with amusement, not saying anything. 

The server came hurrying back a few minutes later grasping a handful of flowers. Cassian’s brows furrowed as you reached out taking the flowers from the server with a quick thank you. 

You turned to face Cassian with a beaming smile on your face. You shoved the flowers at him until he hesitatingly reached out. 

“ _For me_?” 

You nodded. 

A smile split wide on Cassian’s face as he took them from you and breathed them in. 

The next few moments were silent. You stared at each other from across the table not knowing what to say. 

_Why did this suddenly get awkward? He was your best friend. This shouldn’t be awkward. Just talk to him_. 

“Um…. Do you want some water?” 

Cassian laughed lightly. “I-um…. already have some.” He said gesturing to his full glass. 

You groaned dropping your head to the table with a bang. 

Cassian’s hand reached out brushing against your head and ruffling your hair. 

“Why am I nervous? What do I even have to be nervous about?! I mean we’re best friends! I already know everything about you!” 

Cassian tapped your head, silently asking you to sit up. 

You did so, a light blush now scattered across your cheeks. 

He brushed his hand lightly across your pink cheeks, which only made you blush more. 

You grabbed ahold of his hand and pressed a quick kiss to it. 

“I love you.” Cassian murmured. 

You smiled, “Do you ever think about how we did things so out of order?” 

“I wouldn’t have done things any other way.” 

“Me neither. _I love you too_.”

──────────────────────

It hadn’t been the date you were expecting, but it couldn’t have been more perfect.

It didn’t matter that you both looked like you had been rolling around in the mud.

It didn’t matter that it wasn’t at a fancy diner. 

It didn’t matter that it hadn’t been planned. 

_It just didn’t matter_.

Because all you needed was Cassian. 

You talked for hours, not hearing the beeping of your comlinks over your laughter. 

It wasn’t until a few hours later that you finally decided to leave. 

You were holding tight to Cassian’s hand, swinging in back and forth with a smile, but just as you stepped out the door your whole world exploded. Your body was thrown back, Cassian’s hand being ripped out of yours. Your vision went white, your ears rang, and your head was throbbing. It wasn’t long before everything went black.

──────────────────────

You’re not sure how long you had been out, but you came to groaning in agony. You forced your eyes open and tried to sit up, instead falling back to the ground with a whimper of pain. You wildly blinked your eyes trying to focus on the world around you. Your eyes were burning and you frantically rubbed your hand across your face, wincing as the dirt from your hands fell into your eyes.

You pulled at your shirt, scrubbing it aggressively across your face until you were about to make out your surroundings. 

_Everything was decimated_. 

Rubble was falling from buildings and smoke was rising from fires that littered the ground. The combination of dust and smoke made it hard to breathe and you couldn’t see far in front of you. As you tried to call out for Cassian, you choked on the dust and coughed, crying out at the pain it caused in your chest. 

You rolled over on your side trying to pull yourself up onto your feet when you caught sight of Cassian lying a few feet from you. Finally stumbling to your feet, you took off towards Cassian. You tripped over some rubble, falling to your hands and knees and all but crawling over to Cassian’s motionless body. 

Your hands fluttered over him, hesitant to touch him. 

_Was he breathing_? 

Just as you lowered yourself to check you felt something solid hit your head. You fell to the ground with a grunt and the last thing you saw was your hand reaching out to Cassian’s lifeless hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Dodges all the yelling* I’M SORRY?! 
> 
> Next up: I’ve never been scared of anything (until I thought I lost you) aka First Serious Injury


	13. I’ve never been scared of anything (until I thought I lost you)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> aka First Serious Injury 
> 
> Time Cassian and Reader have known each other: 1 year and 6 months

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This ended up so long and I don’t know why so apologies haha. Also, I hope everyone who’s in school is surviving/did survive finals! I hope you enjoy!

_It took you 14 minutes to get to Cassian_. 

You came to in the med bay on Yavin 4. Your eyes shot open with a startled gasp before quickly slamming shut with a shout of pain. You tried to move, but burning pain shot through every part of your body. Multiple hands grabbed onto your body trying to hold you down, but you fought back, despite the throbbing pain. 

“Sergeant L/N. Calm down. You’re injured. We need to treat you.” 

You shoved the hands away and shot out of the bed, ignoring the screaming pain of your body. As you backed against the wall you were finally able to focus your eyes on your surroundings. 

The lead doctor was standing in the front of four nurses. She held her hands out in a non-threatening manner, and though you could see her mouth moving, you heard nothing. You only saw her as an obstacle. An obstacle blocking you from getting to Cassian. 

Your brows furrowed and the doctor took a step back nervously. Turning you grabbed the IV pole and brandished it at them. 

You managed to move the doctor and nurses back from the door without touching anyone. When you ensured nobody was going to move towards you, you reached for the door handle. 

_It was locked_. 

One of the nurses started at you causing you to throw the IV pole at him. And not a beat later you grabbed a vacant chair and swung it around throwing it through the med bay window. 

Without a second thought, you climbed through the shattered window. You winced as the glass dug into your feet as you took off down the hall. 

As you raced down the hall, you passed various rebels, who flew out of your way in surprise. They looked at your half dressed and bleeding state in disbelief. 

Just as you turned the corner an alarm sounded and you froze. 

“Attention. Do not engage Sergeant L/N. Please report if there is a sighting. Be advised the Sergeant may be armed and dangerous.” 

You heard racing footsteps around the corner and you took off down the hall, trying door after door, but they were all locked. Just when you were about to take off to another part of the base, a door handle opened under your hand and you fell inside the room. 

Slamming the door quickly, you turned to peer out the tiny window, watching dozens of agents run by. You closed your eyes and rested your head against the door with a sigh of relief. 

After a beat of silence, you turned slowly catching sight of something in the room. _Catching sight of someone_. 

_Of Cassian_. 

Lying in bed. 

Not moving. 

Your heart stopped and you drew in a deep breath. But then you heard it. The beeping. His heartbeat. 

_He was alive_. 

You slowly walked over to him and sunk into the chair beside him. Your hands hovered over him until your hand lowered to rest on his forehead. Your hand had just moved to rest over his heart when the door flew open behind you. You flinched back and quickly hid in the back corner of the room, out of sight. 

The room filled with doctors and nurses, who began to fuss over Cassian. They talked about his injuries, severe bruising, broken ribs, perforated organ, concussion. Your heart dropped further and further the longer the list got. 

And when one doctor mentioned how his heart stopped a few times, you collapsed to the ground. 

A few minutes, the majority of the doctors left, leaving just one and a few nurses. And that is when you made your presence known. 

You stalked out of the shadows, grabbed the doctor, and pushed her up against the wall. 

“Why isn’t he awake?” You growled. 

Your hand was tight on the doctor’s scrubs. You could feel the adrenaline draining out of your body and the pain began to slowly seep back in. Your arm began shaking and you could feel the blood from your wounds pooling onto the ground beneath you. 

The doctor stuttered out a few words, but before she could answer the door flew open and tactical agents stormed the room. They ripped you off the doctor, throwing you to the ground. You fought back cursing and thrashing out, but the agents held you still. 

Loud footsteps stopped in front of your face and you slowly looked up. 

_General Draven_. 

“Release Sergeant Y/N and leave. Now.” His voice bombed above the chaos. 

The room fell into complete silence and for a moment nobody moved. Then slowly the agents released their grip on you, saluted General Draven, and quickly left the room. 

You heaved yourself up off the floor and stumbled over to Cassian’s side. You collapsed into the chair next to his bed and grabbed his hand lifting it up to press a quick kiss to it. 

You heard Draven step up behind you and he placed a hand on your shoulder. 

“He’s going to be fine.” He whispered before leaving you alone. 

And alone you were. 

You had been alone most of your life. You had no one before Cassian. He had changed your life so much. Could you really live without him? Without his smile? Without his laughter? Without his love? 

You wouldn’t be able to form another relationship like this in your lifetime. You knew if Cassian left you that you would end up reverting back to how you were _before_. To go back to who you had been before Cassian would slowly kill you. You had been so alone. So self-destructive. No care for anybody, not even yourself. 

It had never hit you that you could lose him. You always thought of him as indestructible. He was the force of goodness in your life and you never realized that one day he might not be there. 

He had finally become yours and now it was almost over before it had even started.

──────────────────────

_It took two weeks for Cassian to wake up_.

The days passed slowly. 

You refused to leave Cassian’s side, no matter who tried to get you to leave. You wouldn’t move an inch. 

The doctors and nurses tried to treat your injuries, but you wouldn’t let them treat you for days. You were so focused on getting Cassian the medical attention he needed that you wouldn’t let them touch you until you were sure Cassian was alright. 

After being annoyed by one nurse for days, you finally allowed her to treat your wounds. Though she gave you a glare when you refused to leave the room, she quickly cleaned up your bloodied feet and wrapped up your other injuries from the explosion. 

You surprisingly weren’t as injured as Cassian. The doctors believed that the blast originated closer to Cassian and that he had received the brunt of the damage. 

Part of you wished that it had been you. But then you thought of how Cassian would berate you for even thinking that. 

When the nurse finished wrapping up your body she left you with an invitation to shower and a change of clothes. 

_Cassian’s clothes_. 

A stray tear trailed down your cheek as you stared at his clothes. Quickly wiping your face you put the clothes in the cabinet where you couldn’t see them. 

And then you took your seat next to Cassian once again. And that’s where you stayed for the remainder of the week. 

The first few days were the worst. You began to collapse in on yourself because you thought you had no one to lean on. Cassian had always been _your_ person and you weren’t sure who to turn to this time. 

But then Mila and Nei returned from respective missions and they showed you that you did have someone. Multiple someones in fact. 

Mila was somehow able to convince you to shower, telling you that Cassian would hate to see you covered in soot and blood when he woke up. 

She followed you to the med bay shower, making sure that you actually cleaned up and changed. Nei remained in Cassian’s room watching over him for you. She promised that if anything happened she would get you in a heartbeat. 

After your five-minute shower, Mila handed you Cassian’s clothes and it took you a second to put them on. But when you did you felt better. You felt safe. 

As safe as you could feel in this situation. 

The doctors and nurses swore to you that Cassian would be alright and that he would wake up soon, but the days came and went and came and went and he still didn’t wake. 

Your friends began to sit with you on a regular basis. They noticed how you just sat at his bedside doing nothing and decided to bring things to get your mind off of everything just for a little while. 

Mila brought cards and taught you games from her childhood. You would play with her and Nei and sometimes Kay, though you eventually banned him because he was able to calculate the probability a little _too well_. 

Nei brought yarn and taught you how to knit different things. You began making Cassian various (ugly) hand knitted garments. You made him a sweater. You made him a scarf. The knitting kept your mind and your hands busy. 

Kay would come by and tell you stories of Cassian’s adventures before you met him. You made sure that he told you embarrassing stories as well. 

Even Draven stopped by a few days and silently offered his stoic support. 

You didn’t know where you would be without your friends. They weren’t forcing their support on you, but instead offering it, as you needed it. 

And you definitely needed it. 

Your nights were filled with horrific nightmares and you began to put off sleep. That’s when you began to hallucinate Cassian waking up. You would hear him talking. Feel him touching you. However, when you realized he wasn’t actually awake you would breakdown. 

When you were alone you would talk to Cassian. You would tell him stories, read him books, you’d tell him what you were thinking, how much you were missing him, how much you love him, how you didn’t know if you would survive without him, how you looked forward to the future you would build together _as a family_. 

Talking to him made you feel better, but it always killed you when he never responded.

──────────────────────

_Cassian woke up on a Thursday_.

You were sitting at the foot of Cassian’s bed, your legs stretched up along his body. You were holding the socks you were knitting up to his feet trying to judge if the size was correct when you felt a tap on your leg. You froze, refusing to look up for a minute. 

And then you heard a groan. 

“Y/N?” 

Your head shot up. _Cassian_. His eyes were open and he was looking at you in confusion. He went to sit up only to shout in pain and lower himself immediately. 

You slipped off the bed quickly and backed into the wall next to his bed. 

“Y/N?” 

You sunk to the floor putting your head in your hands. 

“He’s not awake. You’re just dreaming. He’s not awake. He’s not awake. _He’s not awake_.” You whispered over and over and over to yourself. 

Cassian groaned as he pushed himself out of bed and onto the ground. He all but collapsed next to you, but you tried to ignore him. He reached out slowly and pulled your hands away from your face. 

“Y/N. It’s me. _It’s me_. I’m here. _I’m sorry_.” 

Your hands clasped onto his tightly, before they slowly slide up his arms, over his chest, and onto his face. Your thumb brushed over his cheek and it hit you, you weren’t dreaming. This was real. He was real. 

“Cassian?” You croaked. 

His mouth crawled up into a small smile, “Yeah. It’s me.” 

He wiped away the stray tear that was falling down your face. And without a moment’s hesitation, you launched yourself into his body. He grunted in pain and you shot back instantly, but he grumbled and pulled you back towards him. You settled beside him where you could relax against him without hurting him. 

You and Cassian were so focused on each other that you didn’t realize that when Cassian had left his bed, he had torn off his monitor and the machines were beeping frantically. Doctors stormed the room to find you and Cassian curled up together on the floor. 

You were pulled away from Cassian abruptly and you struggled against the nurse’s hold until Cassian shouted to let you go. 

The doctors were trying to hook him back up to the machines, but he was pulling away from them struggling to get to you. 

The lead doctor sighed and motioned for the nurses to release you. Cassian’s arms came up around you as he glared at the doctors over your head. 

“Captain Andor, we need to treat you. Will you please get in bed? You have been unconscious for weeks!” 

Cassian nodded and you helped him limp over to the bed.

──────────────────────

_Cassian was awake and you couldn’t be happier_.

You had been severely reprimanded for getting in the way of Cassian’s recovery and the doctor tried to ban you from his room, but a thrown vase changed her mind pretty quickly. 

You were hesitant to leave Cassian once he woke, but Nei dragged you into leaving for another shower and a good meal. You didn’t want to leave but once Cassian heard that you hadn’t left his side for weeks, he gently reprimanded you until you left. 

A few hours later you arrived back in his room, fresh and full of a warm meal, with handmade garments in hand. You all but shoved your shitty handmade sweater and socks onto his body. He wiggled his toes and smiled up at you. 

“I taught you how to knit how did those even turn out that ugly?” Nei snorted behind you. 

Cassian looked affronted, “They’re beautiful. They match my eyes.” He said batting his eyelashes. 

You shook your head with a small smirk and grabbed his hand sitting down on the side of his bed. 

The next few weeks were long. Cassian was getting antsy and wanted to leave. And it was your job to keep him occupied.

You taught him how to play card games. You entertained him with stories. You would help him work on exercises even when he got frustrated. You were there with him through it all. 

You babied him and even though he complained you knew he appreciated it. You would help him eat. Or help him shower. He would even sit quietly while you brushed his hair.

You had Cassian back and you finally felt like you could breathe again.

──────────────────────

_It wasn’t until a month later that Cassian was allowed to move back home_.

Cassian had finally been released from the med bay and the both of you couldn’t wait to go home. You never thought that you would miss that small room you shared with Cassian. But it was all you craved right now. You hadn’t had time alone with him since you got back. Doctors, nurses, agents, supervisors, and friends felt the need to come in and out of his room at all hours of the day (and night). 

All you wanted was to be in each other’s arms. 

The second the nurse told him that he could leave, you were both gone. You had your arm around Cassian and helped him limp through the hall. He was still pretty weak though he acted like he was fine. 

You passed many rebels on the way to your room and they all seemed happy to see Cassian back on his feet. They wished the both of you well and you quickly moved on making sure not to get dragged into any conversations. 

The second you arrived at your door you stood there just staring at it. You turned to Cassian and you shared a smile. 

_You were home_. 

You opened the door and stumbled inside immediately heading over to the bed where you both fell down. 

Cassian arranged himself comfortably on the bed and you fit yourself into his body like a perfect puzzle piece. Your hand brushed up and down his chest drawing random designs, as his hand snuck up under your shirt running his fingernails up and down your back. 

You burrowed your head in the space between his neck and shoulder and just breathed him in. 

You both felt as if you could stay there for months. 

You felt as if you could stay there _forever_. 

But of course, interrupting your moment, a knock sounded at the door. 

You begrudgingly detangled yourself from Cassian and trudged to go open the door. 

And standing there at the door was General Draven. 

“You have a mission Y/N.” 

“What?! No, I’m not going.” 

“Cassian is out of the med bay. You’ve put this off for far too long. You are going on this mission and that is an order.” He snapped. He gave Cassian a glare behind you, turned on heel and marched down the hall. 

You turned slowly, closing the door behind you. 

“You need to go.” Came Cassian’s small voice. 

You shook your head aggressively, stalking over to where Cassian was sitting on the bed. 

“I’m not going. I can’t go. _I don’t want to go_.” 

Cassian grabbed your chin in his hand, forcing you to look at him. 

“I don’t want to you to go either. But you need to go. I’m not going to be the reason that you get in trouble. You’re going.” He demanded gently. 

Without another word, he stood slowly and began packing you a bag. You stood silently by the bed. 

Once he was finished he pulled you up and put the bag on your shoulder. Leading you over to the door he gently pushed you out. 

“I can’t.” Your voice cracked. 

“I know.” 

He leaned down and pressed his lips against yours. 

You kissed him back gently, pulling away when his tongue reached out to run along your lips. 

You knew if he deepened the kiss you wouldn’t be able to leave him. 

“I love you.” You whispered. 

“You know I love you.” 

You left quickly hurrying down the hall forcing yourself not to look back. 

You arrived at your ship relatively quickly and closed the door. You sat in the back for a minute your heart racing. 

After a few minutes, you managed to pull yourself together when you heard a bang on your ships door. You lowered the ramp and Mila came running up. 

“Go. I’m taking over the mission. Go be with Cassian. Before Draven finds out. Go go go.” She said shoving you out of the ship and throwing your bag down past you. 

You smiled widely and pulled Mila into a big huge hug, “I owe you one.” 

“You bet your sweet ass you do. Now scoot.” 

“Thank you.” You said sincerely and then you took off.

Without knocking or announcing yourself you burst into the room panting. Cassian shot up in bed, clutching at his side with a groan. You stood there bent over panting for a second, trying to regain enough air to speak. 

“Sorry,” you wheezed, “ _Sorry_ , I didn’t mean to startle you.” 

“What are you doing here? Draven is going to kill you.” He exclaimed wildly waving his arms. 

You smiled slightly, “I don’t care.” 

He took in a deep breath and you could see his mind racing on whether or not he should reprimand you or just give in and hold you. 

After a beat, you took a small step forward and Cassian’s arms opened wide. You ran into him, ensuring that you were gentle around his midsection. You nuzzled into his shirt with a breath of relief. 

You pulled back slightly and lifted up onto your toes to press your lips against his. He deepened the kiss right away and you smiled against his lips, pressing yourself more firmly against him. 

His hands tangled into your hair and your hands grasped onto his body. He groaned slightly in pain and you pulled back with an apology. 

Cassian shook his head and tried to pull you to him once more, but you gently pushed him back. 

“When you’re better. I promise.” You said with one last kiss. You leaned back but his head followed yours trying to keep your lips together. You smiled as he peppered soft kisses around your mouth before leaning back. 

He nodded, falling onto the bed with a yawn. You quickly crawled in beside him, smoothing down his hair that was all rustled up. He all but purred into your hand and moved to lay down with his head on your stomach. 

He snuggled sleepily into you as your hands continued to brush through his hair. He sighed in ecstasy and began to drift off. 

“I love you.” He mumbled. 

“I love you too.” 

You began to drift off as well when you heard him speak. 

“I’m going to ask you to marry me one day.” 

You snapped awake looking down at the half-conscious Cassian sprawled over you. 

“I’ll say yes one day.” 

And you both drifted off to sleep dreaming of the future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also, listen I know that people don’t get up that quickly after being in a coma, but it worked well the way I wrote it soooooo yeah haha 
> 
> Next up: this is definitely practice (for raising our future children) aka First Pet


	14. this is definitely practice (for raising our future children)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> aka First Pet 
> 
> Time Cassian and Reader have known each other: 1 year and 10 months

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A few of you asked about if the Reader and Cassian had sex yet. The answer is yes they did! I just didn’t feel they I could do a whole sex scene chapter justice as quickly as I’ve been banging out these chapters. But after I finish up this series of 20 chapters I’m gonna do some bonus chapters (or literally just extend the series bc it’s looking like that may happen anyways) and I’m thinking I’ll do a “first time” chapter! Also if anyone wants to read any other particular “firsts” just send me a message and I’ll be glad to do it! Anyways hope you enjoy this chapter!

You woke up suddenly, your eyes blinking wildly in the dark. You groaned _it was the middle of the night_. You squinted your eyes trying to see anything through the room. But all you saw was darkness. Your hand flopped to your side expecting to hit Cassian, but the bed was empty. 

A small squeak sounded behind you and you flipped around catching sight of Cassian scurrying out of the bathroom, shutting the door quickly. 

“Cassian?” You muttered. 

His head whipped around, his eyes wide and frantic. You sat up slowly taking in his fidgeting state in confusion. 

“Hey, what’s up?” 

Cassian ran over to you, “Nothing _nothing_. Everything’s fine.” 

_Meow_. 

Cassian began coughing loudly and your brows furrowed in suspicion, “What’s going on?” 

“Noth-!” _Meow_. 

You shot up and started towards the bathroom, flicking on the lights along the way. Cassian skidded in front of you, blocking your way. 

“Alright alright. Just, please. Please.” He begged. You pushed him out of the way and opened the door. 

A black blob shot out quickly bouncing around the room. 

You froze and a moment of silence passed. “Cassian is that a _cat_?!” 

“Um….maybe?” 

You turned to him in disbelief, “Where did you get a cat? Why is it here? Do you really think we can keep that thing?” 

“It’s not a thing,” Cassian said affronted, “It’s a she, and her name is Socks.” 

“ _Socks_?! You want to name our kitten Socks?!” 

“Aha! So it is our kitten!” 

“I…..it’s too late for this shit. I’m going back to bed. Find her and put her back in the bathroom until I can figure out what to do tomorrow.” 

“We’re keeping her.” 

You took in Cassian’s face and sighed, “Yes, of course. She’s ours now. But please _Cassian_ , it’s 2 in the morning.” 

Cassian smiled grabbing your face and pulling you in for a quick kiss before taking off after the hyper black blob.

──────────────────────

You and Cassian had a cat now. A kitten to be exact. And she was a handful.

The next few days as Kitten Parents were interesting, to say the least. You and Cassian decided that letting Socks out of your room wasn’t a good idea. So you would have to lock her up in your room. And she didn’t like that. She became antsy and testy, which made your life more difficult. 

_Meow_. 

You groaned, rolling over and poking Cassian’s sleeping body, “Cassian it’s your turn.”

“No way I got up last night.” He mumbled into his pillow. 

You scoffed, “Nice try.” You kicked him over to the bed and he fell to the ground with a thump, “That was me. Now scoot.”

Cassian stood up grumbling and trudged over to the bathroom to let Socks out.

──────────────────────

Socks met people around the base in stages.

Somehow Socks kept escaping your room and you didn’t know how. 

_Socks Episode #1_ : 

It had been a long day and you entered your room late at night. Cassian was sitting hunched over at his desk grumbling down at his mission report. You scurried over quickly dropping a kiss to his cheek before falling onto your bed with a sigh. 

You screeched as your body made contact with something hard and sharp, and shot up quickly ripping back the covers. 

“Um, Cassian?” 

Cassian’s head snapped up, “What?“

“Is there a reason why there are 20 knives under our covers?” 

Cassian’s brows furrowed, “Knives?” 

You grabbed one and held it up for him to see. 

“Oh. Knives.” 

_Meow_. 

Your head shot over to the corner of the room where Socks was standing with a knife in her mouth.

“Socks. What have you done? Whose knives are these?” 

_Meow_. 

“Don’t you meow me, missy!” 

She trotted over and jumped up onto your bed dropping the knife in the rest of the pile. 

You sighed rubbing your face roughly. 

A quick knock at the door sounded and you flinched, “Hey Y/N. Have you seen my throwing knives I’m teaching some students and it seems they’ve all vanished. I don’t know what happ- oh my god is that a cat?!” 

She squealed and took off toward Socks who cowered into the bed sheets. 

Mila picked up Socks and cuddled her close, “She is so precious look at her!” 

Cassian scurried over and quickly plucked Socks out her arms.

Mila grumbled and tried to take her back, but Cassian danced out of her way going to hide behind you with an annoyed Socks in his arms. 

“So can I babysit?”

“Yes.” 

“ _No_.” 

“ _Cassian_.” 

“ _Fine_.”

──────────────────────

_Socks Episode #2_ :

It took Nei a while to meet Socks. Though she heard stories from Mila, you, and Cassian, she stayed away. She swore she just wasn’t a cat person. 

One day Nei was fixing a ship in the hangar. She had music blaring and wasn’t paying attention too much else. 

She was under the ship just messing around with a few wires when a shot of black attacked her legs. She slid out from under the ship and swatted at the cat in annoyance. 

Socks hissed and kept attacking her legs. Nei shouted at the black blob, but it wouldn’t stop until she had been pushed halfway across the base. 

Nei grumbled staring at Socks who was growling slightly. She was just about to go get you or Cassian when a blast sounded and Nei dove to the ground. 

She rolled over taking in the view of the blast. The ship she had been working on was on fire.

She had narrowly just missed it. 

She looked over at Socks who seemed to be smiling?

“Oh, you’re my new favorite.”

Cassian and you came skidding around the corner to find Nei holding a purring Socks over her head. 

“Socks didn’t blow up the plane did she?”

──────────────────────

_Socks Episode #3_ :

Socks caused everyone to believe that there was a ghost haunting the base. 

One night Socks snuck out of your room and into Leia’s room while she was sleeping. 

Somehow Socks got tangled up in Leia’s white dress, got spooked, and took off down the base’s hall. 

It was 4 am. People were sleep deprived and half conscious. To say that a shooting blur of white was believed to be a ghost was definitely true. 

One rebel caught sight of a flash of white rounding a corner, started freaking out, and ran around the base screaming of ghosts and demons. Cassian who had fallen asleep in his workshop was startled awake at the screaming. As he comprehended what he heard, he took off just somehow _knowing_ that it was Socks. 

He ran through the base trying to find her but she wasn’t anywhere. Then he heard screaming. As he followed the frantic shrieks he ran by your room and quickly flew in screaming at you to help him. 

You shot up out of bed and ran out of your room trailing after Cassian without a question. He grabbed your hand and you both took off. 

Just as you rounded the corner a shot of white slammed into you. You grabbed onto it quickly and Cassian pulled Socks free. You heard footsteps rounding the corner and Cassian looked at you in horror. And then shoved Socks down his shirt. You were left holding Leia’s dress with a confused look on your face. 

You heard Socks meow pitifully and Cassian shushed her lightly as someone rounded the corner. 

_Leia_. 

She took in Cassian, whose stomach was a little too round and moving? And then her gaze turned to you. Her dress in your hand. You gave her a sheepish smile and her brows lowered in suspicion as she grabbed her dress and left you two. 

_Meow_?

──────────────────────

_Socks Episode #4_ :

By far the best thing that Socks did was torment General Draven. A few weeks into having her Socks began to vanish every morning at the same time for a few hours. Neither Cassian nor you knew where she was going. You tried to follow her but she would always vanish out of sight. 

One morning, you and Cassian were walking through the base when you heard screaming from the intelligence office. You took off and opened the door to find General Draven screaming up at the ceiling. 

Cassian coughed, “Um? Sir?” 

Draven turned and pointed at you in accusation, “You! I know this is you somehow.” 

“Um, you know what is me, sir?” 

“Everything in my office keeps moving places. Or vanishing. There’s music coming from the walls. And banging coming from the ceiling! I don’t know how you’re doing it. But just stop. I lock the door, but somehow it keeps happening?!” 

_Meow_. 

A scratching sounded at the ceiling and your brows furrowed. You all looked up and caught sight of a vent. You looked over at Cassian realization dawning on your faces. 

Cassian grabbed you around the waist and hoisted you up so you could yank open the vent. And then you pulled out Socks. 

“That better not be a cat in your arms Y/N.” 

“Um, _well_.”

──────────────────────

_Socks Episode #5_ :

Because of Socks, you and Cassian hadn’t had much time to be together. Socks was always interrupting the two of you. And you wanted a night alone together so you sent Socks to Mila’s for the night. 

You leaned close to Cassian, his lips brushing against yours. You smiled and wrapped your arms around his neck bringing him closer to you. His hands ran up under your shirt and he pulled it up over your head. 

As his lips began to trail down your neck you both fell onto the bed. You straddled his waist pulling him flush against you and pulled his shirt up and over his head. 

Just as his hands were reaching down towards your pants you heard a pitiful meow. You sighed dropping your head to Cassian’s shoulder. 

You looked over to the side of the bed. And there was Socks in all her glory staring up at the two of you with doe eyes. 

“Socks?! How did you even get in here?” You groaned. 

“Didn’t you lock the door?” 

“Yes.” 

“And blocked the air vent?” 

“Yep.”

_Meow_. 

Socks fluffed herself up and then jumped up on you and pushed in between the two of you snuggling into Cassian’s chest. 

“Well, I guess it’s a party of three tonight.” You chuckled. Cassian pressed a kiss to your nose and you smiled curling up with Socks and Cassian.

──────────────────────

The weeks passed and everyone found out about Socks. She became the hit of the base. You didn’t even try to lock her up anymore. She got out anyways. So she was free to roam.

The children followed her around like lost puppies. 

The older agents snuck her food. 

And everyone kept giving her gifts. 

One morning you left your room to find an excited Mila standing outside your door holding a purring Socks. 

“Come on Kitten Parent!” 

“What?” 

She shuffled you along and you bumped into Cassian, who was being pushed by Nei. 

He pulled you close and mumbled, “What’s going on?” 

You shrugged and you continued to follow Mila. 

When you arrived at the hangar she pushed you through the door shoving Socks into your arms. 

“Surprise!” 

You jumped and backed into Cassian who steadied you with a chuckle. 

There was the whole base. Everybody was wearing party hats. And holding presents. 

Socks meowed and jumped out of your arms going to greet everybody.

A huge banner saying, HAPPY KITTEN SHOWER hung across the hangar. 

“ _You have got to be kidding me_.”

──────────────────────

Socks changed you and Cassian (and everybody else) for the better.

Socks was able to calm Cassian when he was stressed. 

Socks knew when you needed to eat and would push up against you until you were out the door. 

Socks knew when you needed to be alone and would watch you from afar making sure you were okay. 

Socks would cuddle with Draven when she wanted to annoy him. 

Socks would wait excitedly in the hangar for you, Cassian, Mila, or Nei to get back from a mission.

Socks would follow around Nei when she was doing dangerous stuff to make sure she was safe. 

Socks would make sure to steal _every knife except_ for Mila’s. 

Socks befriended everybody on the base. 

Socks received more gifts than anyone. Beds, toys, food, treats, everything. 

Everyone knew her by name and would stop to pet her and praise her in the hallway.

Socks was family now. 

A family that had started out small, but had grown to include so many people that you couldn’t imagine life without.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next up: I don’t need a present this year (because all I need is you) aka First time celebrating a holiday together


	15. I don’t need a present this year (all I need is you)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> aka First time celebrating a holiday together 
> 
> Time Cassian and Reader have known each other: 2 years

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was gonna make this kinda sad but Arrow and the 100 killed me this week and I needed a shit ton of fluff so you’re all getting fluff right now haha hope you enjoy!

_Meow_. 

Sharp claws poked at your stomach and you groaned rolling over and nudging Cassian. He grumbled lightly into his pillow, not waking up. Sock crawled her way up your body, her claws pulling down your blanket. You groaned as cold air seeped into your bones. Shivering you yanked up the blankets and burrowed into Cassian’s warm body. Socks pushed her way under your arm and into Cassian’s side purring at the warmth of your bed. 

You sighed snuggling closer to Cassian and drifted off to the feeling of Socks purring against your stomach. 

It was Christmas.

The entire base had off for 2 days to celebrate. 

You had never particularly liked Christmas because you never had anyone to share it with. In the past you would typically just stay inside your room instead of interacting with people you barely knew. But now you had Cassian. And Mila. And Nei. And Socks. _And so many others_. 

Once Socks woke you up you couldn’t fully go back to sleep. You were too excited. After an hour of forcing yourself to remain silent, you started poking Cassian. He grumbled in annoyance. 

“Cassian.” You whispered. 

Cassian groaned, “What?” He opened his eyes, lightly glaring at you. 

You smiled coyly and his eyes widened slightly. And then you pounced. You jumped up and down on the bed causing Socks to bolt with a shocked meow. Cassian moaned as his body bounced up and down. 

“It’s Christmas. It’s Christmas. It’s Christmas! It’s Christmas!”

He reached up grabbing your hand and yanking you down onto his body. He grunted as your elbow accidentally slammed into his stomach. You rolled off his body and sat cross-legged next to his reclining body poking him over and over and over again. 

“I would be sorry, but IT’S CHRISTMAS!” 

Cassian looked up at your glowing face with a smile. 

“It’s not Christmas until tomorrow.” He broke lightly. 

You sighed collapsing back onto the bed dramatically, “How dare you kill my excitement.” 

Cassian pushed himself up and leaned over you. He pulled your hand away from your face taking in your pouting face. He laughed and leaned in pressing a light kiss to your mouth. 

But you kept your lip jutted out in a pout struggling not to let out the laugh bubbling up inside of you. 

Cassian smirked before running his hand through your hair and once again leaning down and pressing a kiss your mouth. He began peppering kisses along your cheek and traveled down onto your neck, his hands running down your body. 

You grabbed his head and pulled him back up so his lips brushed against yours with a smile.

──────────────────────

Once you and Cassian managed to get out of bed it was late morning.

You and Cassian strolled through the base swinging your clasped hands back and forth. There weren’t many people up yet. Everybody seemed to be enjoying their relaxing morning in. 

The festivities wouldn’t start until later in the day. The first day of Rebel’s Christmas was full of decorating, wrapping, activities, music, and competitions. 

As you and Cassian reached the hangar, Socks at your heels, you could smell the scent of fresh cookies and evergreen flowing toward you. 

The hangar had been emptied so that it could be decorated. Rebels were all over the place, hanging from the rafters hanging lights, decorating cookies, wrapping gifts, and decorating the huge Christmas tree. 

With a quick kiss to Cassian’s cheek you went to go help the others decorate the tree. Cassian took his guitar and set up in the corner blessing the hangar with Christmas music. 

After decorating for a few hours (and accidentally falling off the ladder and holding onto the tree for dear life) you went to go find Cassian. He winked at you before informing his listeners that this would be his last song. Everyone groaned but he promised to play later on that night and everyone dispersed. 

Socks, who was perched on Cassian’s shoulder jumped down when she caught sight of you and pounced over meowing. 

You reached out grabbing Cassian’s hand and pulling him towards the door. 

“We’re going outside? You’re going to be cold.” 

You scoffed and pulled him out the door. It was snowing. It had been snowing for weeks and the hills were covered in glistening white snow. It caused issues for the rebellion, but you had to admit that it was absolutely breathtaking. 

As you stood there staring at the snow you didn’t notice that Cassian had released your hand until a snowball hit the side of your face. You turned around slowly, snow dripping down your face and into your shirt. 

“Oh it’s on.”

The rest of the day was full of love and laughter. You and Cassian took advantage of your time alone together. 

You played. You laughed. You skated.

You returned the favor and hit Cassian in the face with a snowball. 

Cassian tackled you into the snow before leaning down and kissing you thoroughly.

Hours later you ended up curled up in a chair watching the snow fall. You shivered slightly and Cassian bundled you up in his jacket pulling you close with a kiss to your head. 

“I love you.” 

“I love you so much.”

──────────────────────

You and Cassian flopped into bed late that night smiling with cold red noses.

With huge yawns you fell asleep in each other’s arms with the silent decision to sleep in late the next morning. 

However, someone had another idea. 

It was 6 the next morning when loud banging came at your door. You shoved Cassian silently telling him that you weren’t going to get it. 

He sighed loudly and slipped out of bed to open the door. 

The second he turned the knob, in flew a bouncing Mila quickly followed by a scowling exhausted looking Nei. 

“It’s Christmas!” 

Mila flew into the room pressing a kiss to Cassian’s cheek before flopping into bed beside you to pull you into a hug. You grumbled slightly but opened your arms so she could lie comfortably against you. 

You began to nod off back to sleep but Nei kneed the bed jerking you awake. 

“Come on up and at ‘em.” She said grabbing Mila’s hand and pulling her up out of bed. 

Cassian leaned over trying to pull you up as well, but you growled at him. With a quick roll of his eyes, he sat on the bed and you climbed up onto his back relaxing against him. Your head dropped to his shoulder with a yawn as he stood up boosting you up firmly onto his back. 

Mila jumped excitedly, “Let’s go let’s go let’s go! I want presents!” 

She ran out of the door pulling Nei after her. Cassian hoisted you up and followed her. 

You began nodding off against Cassian’s shoulder and he could hear your breathing deepen. 

He chuckled quietly tightening his grip on your legs so you wouldn’t fall. 

When he reached the hangar he shook you slightly, “Y/N, sweetheart wake up. Look at this.” 

You opened your eyes and smiled. 

The whole hangar was lit up. Sparkling lights hung from the rafters. The tree was glistening with homemade ornaments. And hundreds of presents sat under the tree. 

You smiled and dropped down from Cassian’s back slipping under his arm and wrapping yourself around him. He pulled you tight to his side pressing a quick kiss to the top of your head. 

Someone shouted your name and your head shot over to the tree. Mila and Nei had set up a small blanketed area. As you made your way over you saw that everybody was pulling on the ugly Christmas sweaters you had knit them last week. 

Even Socks had her own little sweater. 

Draven and Leia joined you and soon everybody was passing out presents. 

Nei gave you some throwing knives. You gave her two short swords. 

Mila gave you a photo album full of pictures from this past year. You gave her a new camera. 

Draven gave you some field agent armor. You gave him some liquor. 

Leia gave you lots of clothes from her home world. You gave her a communication device that could be used in places that didn’t have communication towers. 

And Socks got presents from everybody. An automatic toy mouse. Ropes. Nei’s shoe laces. Draven’s old slippers. 

You and Cassian didn’t give each other gifts. You planned to do it later on that night.

──────────────────────

The day passed by too quickly for your liking and soon it was nighttime. Dinner was set and everybody was eating to their heart’s desire.

Socks sat by the doorway meowing pitifully. She wanted to join the table. 

So, Mila jumped up to grab her at just the moment that Nei came back in from outside the hangar. 

Someone coughed and they both froze looking up. 

“Mistletoe?” 

Nei looked at Mila with a sly smile and everyone waited. 

Without wasting another second, Mila pulled Nei in and pressed her lips to hers. 

When they parted everybody’s eyes were wide.

Mila smiled sweetly, “Oh yeah, um…. we’re dating?”

You smiled and jumped up running over to the both of them. You grabbed them and pulled them into a tight hug. 

“I’m so happy for you.” You whispered to them. 

“Thanks, Y/N.” They said simultaneously squeezing you tighter. 

“So, who hung up that mistletoe?” 

A throat cleared and everyone turned. “That would be me.” Draven said. 

Dinner wrapped up and someone built a bonfire in the middle of the hangar. Blankets and comfy chairs were dragged over so everybody could relax. 

You settled on a chair with Cassian practically sitting on top of him. His hand stroked up and down you back as your fingers played in his hair at the nape of his neck. 

Mila and Nei settled in the chair next to yours, Mila gently stroking Nei’s hair as she relaxed sleepily against her. 

Soft music played in the background and everyone was happy to remain quiet and relaxed knowing that life would be back to crazy tomorrow.

──────────────────────

Hours later you and Cassian found yourself alone in the hangar. Everybody else had trickled out as it reached the early morning. They had to be up in a few hours and had trudged off to bed slowly.

However, you and Cassian didn’t want to leave. You remained curled up on your chair watching the fire slowly die out. 

Cassian pressed a kiss to the side of your head and you hummed sleepily turning so you could press a light kiss along the underside of his jaw. 

“You ready for your present?” 

You smiled and nodded. He reached into his pocket and pulled something small out. He placed it in your hand closing your fingers around it and pressing a soft kiss to your closed fist. 

You pulled back slightly and opened your hand. 

A ring sat there. 

You stared down at it for a second before slowly looking up. 

“Y/N, will you marry me?” 

“I thought you would never ask. _Yes_.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next up: I’m sorry I never said how much you meant to me (before you left) aka First Fight


	16. I’m sorry I never said how much you meant to me (before you left)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> aka First Fight 
> 
> Time Cassian and Reader have known each other: 2 years 5 months

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m so so sorry this took so long! I wanted to get it up sooner but for the life of me I couldn’t make Y/N and Cassian fight……like it was an issue. But I figured it out and I think you’ll like it! Hope you enjoy!

You and Cassian rarely fought. If you did it was usually over something stupid like not feeding Socks, or leaving a wet towel on the bed, or accidentally getting injured, or because of a prank. But it was never anything too serious. You would be mad for a few minutes, a few hours at most, but you would always make up relatively quickly. 

You never expected to have a bad fight with him. 

But then you risked your life to save someone. And though you walked away unscathed, you had been a second away from death. 

And Cassian didn’t take it so well. 

“You can’t keep doing this. You have people who worry about you! You can’t be throwing yourself into situations where we don’t know if you’re going to make it back alive or not!” 

“And you’re one to talk?! You go off on dangerous missions all the time! You even withhold telling me the full details!” 

“Because I don’t want you to worry!” 

“That’s not up to you! I have a right to know!” 

“Exactly like I have a right to tell you to stop being so reckless. I won’t let you do this anymore. You have to think about someone other than yourself.” 

You sucked in a breath, “ _Cassian. This is my job_. This is who I am. I do what I need to do. You can’t tell me what I can and cannot do. How dare you say I don’t think about other people. My job is to _save people_. I will do what I believe is right. And if you don’t like that, _then leave_.”

“Fine.” He snapped, “I will.” 

And then he was gone. 

You didn’t see him for a week. And you didn’t try to look for him even though you felt like your heart had been torn out of your chest.

──────────────────────

The next few days were rough. You didn’t go back to your room, instead deciding to hole up in a spare room on the opposite side of base. You avoided everyone, not just Cassian. Both Leia and Draven tried to speak to you, but you didn’t hear a word they said.

“You know he’s just worried about you.” 

You sighed burying your head deeper into your arms, “Stop it Nei. I’m not in the mood to talk about this right now.” 

Nei sighed taking a seat next to you, “You can’t pretend this isn’t happening. You can’t keep ignoring everyone Y/N. Especially Cassian. He’s a mess right now.” 

“Yeah well he deserves it. I’m not talking to him.” 

You knew you were being stubborn about this. You weren’t actually mad at Cassian. You knew he hadn’t met anything by it. A small part of your brain was screaming at you to get over yourself. But for some reason you just couldn’t. 

“He’s talking about leaving.” 

Your head snapped up, your heart dropping. _Leaving_? You cleared your throat, before steeling your face, “Fine. See if I care.” 

Nei froze before slowly shaking her head. With one last look at you she stood up and started to leave. You turned to watch her walk out. As she opened the door you saw an excited Mila waiting eagerly on the other side. But as Nei whispered something in her ear, you could see her face drop and her eyes flit to you sadly. 

And then you were alone once again.

──────────────────────

Cassian was going crazy. The past few days were filled with pacing and worried thoughts.

He hadn’t seen you in days and he didn’t know where you were. 

He knew he had made a mistake. He was so stupid to say what he did; he hadn’t meant to say it. He was just scared. Scared of losing you. 

The next few days passed slowly and Cassian went through the motions. He kept an eye out for you but you were nowhere to be found. 

So he let you stay hidden. He wasn’t planning on seeking you out. You wanted space and he was going to give it to you. He told as much to everyone who tried to get him to talk to you. 

Leia had silently whacked him over the head multiple times. She didn’t have to say anything. Cassian knew what she was getting at. 

Draven would stare at him in the hallway until he felt so uncomfortable that he would have to leave. 

Even Kay yelled at him.

“Kay this is none of your business.” 

“It is my business when your productivity decreases by 45%.”

──────────────────────

Nei sidled up alongside Mila who was talking to General Draven and Leia, “So about this whole Y/N and Cassian fight….how are we going to fix this?”

Leia smiled, “Right on time Nei. Draven here has the best idea.”

Nei’s eyes widened in shock and she turned to face Draven, who was smirking slyly. 

“Oh I am so ready to hear this.”

──────────────────────

It was a week after your fight with Cassian when their plan was put into motion.

You were walking down the hall when hands grabbed you. 

You shrieked as you were shoved into a dark closet, the door slamming behind you. 

“You need to talk to Cassian Y/N!”

You slammed your hands into the door, “Mila you let me out of here right now!” 

Mila giggled, “No can do Y/N! Only Draven has the key.” 

“Draven?!” 

“Yep! It was his idea! Bye bye!” 

You groaned, “Mila! Mila no wait come back here! I’ll let you babysit Socks for the weekend! Mila! Mila? _Fuck_.” 

Cassian cleared his throat from behind you and you spun around pointing a finger at him.

“Don’t say a fucking word. I don’t want to talk to you right now. Let alone look at you.” 

You could see Cassian’s eyes sadden as his body sunk. 

You let out an exasperated sigh and dropped down to sit against the door. 

You dropped your head in your hands and let out a frustrated scream. Cassian sunk down to the floor across from you, keeping his gaze on your shaking body. 

“I can’t lose you.” 

You raised your head and met Cassian’s eyes. 

“ _I can’t lose you_.” He repeated slowly. 

You let out a sigh, “You’re not going to lose me.” 

Cassian’s eyes lit up slightly but froze as you shook your head slightly. 

“But you can’t do this to me Cassian. This is my job. This is my life.” 

Cassian scurried to his feet, “I know. _I know_. I was just worried.” 

You scuffed, “There’s a difference between worried and treating me like I’m your property.” 

“I know. I know. I’m sorry.” 

Cassian stepped toward you his arm rose to stroke along your arm. But you pulled back, “Don’t touch me. We’re supposed to be fighting.” 

“Y/N. Please. I know this is your job. I know this is who you are. That’s why I fell in love with you. I love that you risk your life for strangers. But I don’t want to lose you. You’re my life. You’re my everything. I am going to get upset when I almost lose you. I can’t help that.”

“Next time just talk to me? Alright? No telling me what I can and cannot do. Tell me how you’re feeling and we’ll work through it. _Together. Like always_.” 

Cassian nodded enthusiastically his eyes wide. You tried to stop your mouth from curling up but as his eyes grew more hopefully you sighed opening your arms. 

Cassian didn’t wait a second before shuffling into them. He buried his head in your shoulder and wrapped his arms tight around you. 

You pulled him close and stroked your hands up and down his back. He relaxed against you and you pressed a kiss to his head before smoothing a hand over his hair. 

“I love you. You know that right?” 

“I know. I love you too. Next time talk to me okay? ” 

“I will.” 

_Meow_. 

Cassian pulled back and you both looked up to the ceiling. Sock’s paw was hanging out of the air vent. 

You met Cassian’s eyes and smirked, “Ready to go on an adventure?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is shorter than usual but I didn’t want to drag out the fighting. I’m so pumped to get to the next chapter as you can see. JUST LOOK AT IT. 
> 
> Next up: I knew the second I met you (that we would say I do) aka First I do


	17. I knew the second I met you (we would say I do)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> aka First I do 
> 
> Time Cassian and Reader have known each other: 3 years

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story is ending soon and I’ve like so many bittersweet feelings about that like I don’t want it to end but it also can’t go on forever haha anyways I’ve been so excited for this chapter. I’ve wanted a wedding since chapter one hahaha hope you enjoy!!!!!

A blast shot past your head and you ducked behind the corner with a gasp. Your heart was racing as the sounds of the battle rang in your ears.

“You okay Y/N?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I’m good Cassian. Sniper at your 11.”

“I’ve got him.”

Cassian’s blaster went off and you heard a body hit the ground.

“Cover me, Y/N.”

With a deep breath, you leaned around the corner taking out stormtroopers left and right. You saw Cassian jump from his high perch and take off across the field to hide under a buildings arch.

A blast hit above your head and you ducked around the corner once more.

“ _Really Cassian_?”

“I needed a better position.”

“You look great whatever position you’re in.”

“Could we keep the flirting to a minimum please?” Grunted Nei.

You snuck a peek around the corner catching sight of Nei fighting against multiple stormtroopers. As she spun around knocking a trooper to the ground, her eyes met yours and she smirked nodding her head.

Cassian’s voice once again rose in your ear, “Meet me in the middle, Y/N.”

A quick confirmation later had you and Cassian running out in the middle of the firefight. Your back slammed into his, your gun firing endlessly. Your left hand snaked to tap against his thigh briefly, he tapped your hand three times and at the count of three, you swapped positions instantaneously. With your free hand, you threw your stray knives taking out imperial agents as Cassian grabbed your other blaster from your hip and shot down the continuing wave of troopers.

With an excited shout, Mila flew by in a flurry taking out 10 troopers with her bo staff. She threw a quick wave and an enthusiastic smile before she flittered away to hide once again.

After finishing off the agents in front of you, you turned and watched Cassian as he took out the rest. His face the picture of concentration.

“Cassian.”

His head snapped to yours and he smiled questioningly.

“Marry me?”

“Didn’t you already answer that question?”

“No. Right here. Marry me.”

Cassian’s eyes widened for a second before taking out a trooper that was struggling to rise from the ground.

The world fell silent around you as he nodded.

“Clear!” Nei barked.

You turned as everyone else came out of their hiding positions.

“Hey Draven. Care to officiate a wedding?”

His brows shot up in surprise before he schooled his face, “Now?”

You nodded and Mila squealed grabbing onto Nei’s arm.

“You do realize you won’t be able to wear that dress you made right?” Nei smirked at Mila, who immediately deflated.

Mila stomped up to you and Cassian, “You’re having another wedding when we get back to base and that’s final!” She demanded poking her finger into Cassian’s chest.

He backed up with a gentle smile, “Okay okay.”

──────────────────────

The next hour was a flurry of activity.

Draven began cleaning up the area. Nei began to shove Cassian towards a far building. And Mila swept you away with frantic rumblings. You looked back at Cassian wide-eyed and desperate, but he smirked waving you off.

Mila shoved you under the building archway, where Cassian had been a few short hours ago, and began fussing over your clothes, “Must you have gotten so dirty?!”

“Mila, we were just in a fire fight. I think a little dirt and blood is normal.”

Ignoring you, she continued to brush you off and aggressively tried to smooth down your hair.

“Mila! Mila, I’m fine.”

“But you’re all dirty!” She pouted.

You grabbed her hands and waited until her eyes rose to meet yours, “I don’t care what I look like. I just want to marry Cassian.”

She nodded with a smile and rubbed some dirt off your cheek, “I’m so happy for you two.”

Footsteps sounded at the arch and Mila darted in front of you, her arms thrown out wide, “Cassian, that better not be you!”

“It’s just me hon.” Nei rounded the corner holding her comlink.

She shoved it at you.

“What? Who is it?”

A frustrated voice came over the comlink, “Goddammit Y/N you couldn’t just wait an hour to get married back at base?”

You sighed, “Sorry Leia.”

“You owe us another wedding when you get back.”

You rolled your eyes and looked up at Mila, “Yes yes I’ve already been informed.”

“Good. Have a good wedding. Goodbye.”

──────────────────────

Cassian wiped aggressively at his clothes groaning as the dirt marks only seemed to get worse.

“So…… you nervous?”

Cassian swung around glaring at Nei, who shrugged, “It’s a normal question to ask!”

“I’m not nervous.”

“Alright if you say so. Y/N is ready if you are.”

Cassian took a deep breath and nodded. He was ready to be married to you.

Nei shoved Cassian out of his hiding place and as he regained his footing his eyes immediately found yours.

You stood in the middle of the battlefield still covered in dirt and blood, but you looked beautiful.

Cassian quickly crossed the battle-ridden ground and grabbed your hands in his. You lifted up onto your toes and pressed a quick kiss to his lips.

“Ahem.”

Your heads snapped to Draven, who was standing next to you impatiently.

“If I may proceed.”

You chuckled lightly and Cassian nodded.

The wedding wasn’t perfect. It was far from what you had expected but you wouldn’t have had it any other way. All you cared about was marrying Cassian. It didn’t matter how it happened.

“Fierabrás, when I met you I wasn’t whole. I was without a family. Without a home. The rebellion took and took and took from me until I had nothing left. But then it gave me something. It gave me you. I didn’t want to make any more personal connections but you just shoved yourself into my heart until I didn’t want to let you go. And I love you for that. You’re my home. _I love you_.”

You smiled at him through the tears in your eyes, but as you took a deep breath ready to reply, Mila nudged you.

“No no no. You can give your half of the vows at your other wedding.”

You rolled you eyes and smiled up at Cassian who was smirking, “I love you too.”

Cassian’s hands released yours and rose to cup your face. You wrapped your arms around his neck pulling him to you so your lips could meet.

──────────────────────

The flight back was relatively calm. Everybody left you and Cassian alone in the back of the ship. However, you could hear everybody whispering up front and you glared suspiciously at them.

“What do you think we’re gonna come home to?”

Cassian snorted, “Nothing we’ll be prepared for, that’s for sure.”

The second the ship landed, Mila and Nei took off. You shared a quick glance with Cassian grabbing his hand tightly. He squeezed it comfortingly and you both made your way down the ramp.

“I am to take you to separate rooms until your wedding. According to tradition, you are not allowed to see each other before the ceremony.”

“Kay, we’re already married.”

“Not according to Mila. Now if you will follow me.”

──────────────────────

You had no idea where Kay took Cassian. Mila soon reappeared and ushered you off into you and Cassian’s room.

“Alright. Now your wedding is tomorrow afternoon. You are not allowed to see Cassian until then. Get a good night’s sleep!”

She pressed a quick kiss to your cheek and ran out the door locking it behind her.

You sunk down onto the bed with a sigh. The next few hours were torture. You paced. You tried to sleep. You tried to write. You did some jumping jacks. You even tried (failed) to pick the lock. But you couldn’t relax. It wasn’t until a soft meow sounded that you realized there was another way to leave.

You raced over to the vent in the wall and yanked it off. Socks sat there, her fur all fluffed up and her expression proud. She gently licked your nose before taking off down the vent.

“Wait for me, Socks!”

You pulled yourself up and into the vent and quickly took off after Socks.

A few minutes later you reached a dead end. The vent in front of you was locked tight. The room it led to was dark. You glared at Socks.

“Did you take me to the wrong room?”

A loud bang sounded from within the room and you heard someone scrambling around.

“Y/N?”

Your eyes widened, “Cassian?”

“What? Where are you?”

“Um. Airvent?”

Cassian laughed and a light turned on in the room. He made his way over to the vent and pried it off the wall.

“Hello!”

Cassian smiled, “Hey fierabrás.”

You _gracefully_ fell out of the vent and onto the ground. Cassian pulled you up and into his arms.

“You okay?”

“Just exhausted.”

He pressed a gentle kiss to your head and led you over to the bed and you both fell asleep quickly in each other’s arms.

──────────────────────

“HOW DARE YOU TWO I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS NEI-“

“Yes yes I can.”

“-IT IS UNREAL YOU TWO ARE RIDICULOUS YOU CAN’T EVEN FOLLOW SIMPLE INSTRUCTIONS IT WAS ONLY ONE NIGHT APART. NOW Y/N OUT OUT OUT YOU NEED TO GET READY.”

You and Cassian jumped out of bed at the commotion. It took a second to process what was happening but as soon as you took in Mila’s bright red face and loud yelling you smiled at her sheepishly. Cassian sighed falling back onto the bed with a groan.

You leaned down and pressed a quick kiss to his forehead, “See you in a few hours.”

As you followed Mila down the hall to your room you saw that she was already perfectly dressed in her pink bridesmaid dress.

“In in in. Now, here is your outfit. Beautiful. Now go shower. Put on the robe. I’ll be back in an hour to get you ready. Now shoo.”

You saluted Mila with a smirk and went to get ready.

──────────────────────

_Wedding Part Two Commences_

Once you were dressed and ready, Mila led you out of your room and into the hangar. It had been emptied once again. Who knew where all those ships were being stashed; you weren’t sure you wanted to know.

Chairs lined the floor. Table’s set up next to what you assumed was a dance floor. A ginormous cake, which sat on one of the tables, decorated with ships and flowers. A beautiful wooden arch sat at the front. Twinkling lights were hung up all over the ceiling. A band was sitting in the corner, a frustrated Leia reprimanding all of them.

“How did you do all this?”

Mila smiled. Nei strode up beside her and pressed a quick kiss to her lips, “She’s amazing that’s how.”

Soon everything was ready.

Draven stood at the front, every single chair was filled, the excitement in the air was palpable.

The music started and Socks flew down the aisle petals flying off the small little basket tied to her back.

The music started and Mila pushed you through the door to the hangar gently. Across the way, you could see Nei do the same to Cassian.

This wedding was how you had always imagined it would be. It was proper. It was perfect. It was beautiful.

“Cassian. I didn’t like you at first. I didn’t want to be your friend. But you wouldn’t take no for an answer. You taught me what it was like to have a friend again. What is was like to have a family. What it was like to have a home. What it was like to love. Without you, I probably wouldn’t be here today. You’ve saved me more times than I can count and I love you so much. I will love you forever.”

“You may now ki-“

But you and Cassian were already in each other’s arms. The roaring sound of your fellow rebels cheers ringing in your ears as you finally kissed your husband.

The following hours were filled with dancing, singing, food, laughter, and love.

Draven pulled you up for a celebratory dance. Kay decided that dancing with Cassian was only appropriate, which in turn threw Nei into a fit of hysterical laughter.

You shoved Cassian’s head into the cake. He repaid the favor by dropping ice down your clothes.

Leia convinced the band to play a line dance, which got everybody out of their seats to dance.

Socks paraded around the hangar not letting anyone touch her cape, but meowing at everyone to give her some of their food. The children snuck her some food under the tables and Socks purred up at them in thanks.

Presents were passed out to you and Cassian, even though you had told everyone not to get you anything. But they argued that building a life together wouldn’t be easy, especially in a time like this, and that you should always take the help that is offered to you.

As the hours flew by, you and Cassian settled together on a chair, Socks purring at your feet, watching everybody celebrate. You relaxed against him, his hand running soothingly up and down your arm. Your gaze froze on Mila and Nei who were dancing in the middle of the dance floor, holding each other close. You knew it was only a matter of time before they would be in this same situation.

It was the happiest you had seen everybody in a long time.

“What are you thinking?” Cassian said.

“Everybody is so happy. I wish it could stay like this.”

“One day it will. _One day_. But for now we just take the little moments of happiness and let them fly.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next up: I’ve never known a home (other than the rebellion) aka First time getting a house together


	18. I’ve never known a home (other than the rebellion)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> aka First time getting a house together 
> 
> Time Cassian and Reader have known each other: 3 years and 4 months (at beginning) 3 years and 7 months (at end of chapter)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long! I really don’t want this story to end so I think I’ve been subconsciously stopping myself from writing haha anyways hope you enjoy!!!!

There was nothing as wonderful as being married to your best friend. 

For the first two weeks of your marriage, you and Cassian called each other overly cutesy pet names to annoy your fellow rebels. In retaliation, every time you entered a room, everybody would burst into applause and scream “AH, THE NEWLYWEDS.” 

As the pet names and the screaming died off, you and Cassian got back to missions. Draven hadn’t allowed you a honeymoon, but he had given you a few weeks off to relax. 

And relax you had. The first week you locked yourselves away in your room. You didn’t even need to come out to get food. After a few days, Mila began to stop by with dinner each night because she didn’t want you to starve. 

The only issue that bothered the both of you was the fact that your room was full of the presents you had received from your wedding. And they weren’t exactly fitting in your room. The room seemed smaller than usual. To get out the door you would have to climb up on top of the pile and vault yourself out the door. Cassian had taken to using the vents to leave. Socks, on the other hand, loved the cluttered mess. She started hiding her food and treats in little crevices here and there. 

Overall though, not much had changed since you got married. You hadn’t expected it to. But then a few months into your marriage everything changed. And you realized you had never been so wrong. 

“Cassian, we need a new room.” 

“We already have the biggest room possible. Unless we kick Leia out of her room, I think we’re going to have to deal with our small room.”

──────────────────────

You were working on some paperwork when Draven knocked on your door. Before you could greet him he chucked a ring of keys at you. You caught it quickly and he waved his arm silently asking you to follow him. When you tried to ask him a question he shushed you. You followed quietly as you followed him to Cassian’s workshop. You stood outside while Draven slipped through the door. A few seconds later you heard a startled shout.

And out Draven came dragging a cursing Cassian. 

When he caught sight of you he scurried away from Draven and towards you, “What’s going on?” 

Draven glared at the two of you and you both fell silent. You followed him through the base and climbed into one of the few ground vehicles on the base. 

Draven stopped the vehicle ten minutes later. When you and Cassian got out you were faced with a ginormous house. 

“Draven. What is this?” 

“It’s yours.” 

“What?!” You and Cassian said simultaneously. 

“You need a bigger place. I have a bigger place. I have no need for said place. Therefore, said place is yours.”

“We can’t accep-“ 

“Too late. Y/N already has the keys.” 

“But the rebellion-“ 

“You’re still my top agents. You will report every morning. You will still go on missions. You will be required to be present at every meeting. You’re close enough. It’s only a 10 minute ride.”

After a beat of silence, you shot forward to hug Draven. He patted your back gently. 

“Thank you.” 

Draven nodded.

──────────────────────

“You’re moving?!” Mila howled. Nei moved to wrap her arm around Mila’s back, but Mila stepped away to poke her finger roughly at your chest.

You stepped back your hands up, “Mila, it’s just a 10 minutes drive. You can come over anytime-“ 

“You bet your ass I will come over anytime!” She turned to Nei, “We are building a house next to theirs.” She demanded. 

Nei smiled, “If that is what you want.” 

Mila nodded solemnly before turning back to face the both of you. Your faces were drawn with anticipation. A beat later, Mila squealed and darted forward wrapping her arms around you two.

──────────────────────

_Restoring the House Part 1_

“Why are you covered in paint?” Cassian laughed as he came into the room.

“I think the better question is why aren’t you covered in paint?” 

Meow. 

Your eyes widened, “Cassian, did you close the door?” 

“No, why-“ 

You pushed Cassian out of the way to see Socks sitting in the doorway.

“Socks, no!” 

But it was too late. Socks took off around the room with a loud meow. She knocked over the paint can stepping in the blue paint. 

You ran after her, slipping in some of the paint; Cassian grabbed onto you before you could slam to the ground. 

“Socks!”

As you raced around the room chasing your paint-covered cat, you accidentally stepped on the paint bin, the brush flying up and slamming into Cassian’s shirt. 

“Well, now I’m covered in paint as well.” 

“That is so not enough paint.” You smirked reaching down and grabbing the bucket of paint. 

“Y/N.” Cassian said cautiously backing up, “Don’t you dare.” 

But it was too late. 

Five minutes later, You, Cassian, Socks, and the entire room were covered in blue paint.

“Well I think the paint job looks beautiful.”

──────────────────────

_Restoring the House Part 2_

You and Cassian stared down at the contraption in confusion. 

“Do you know how to use a vacuum?” You asked squinting your eyes at the death contraption. 

“I can drive a space ship.”

“That doesn’t answer the question.” 

Silence. 

“I can hack into computers. “

“Still doesn’t answer the question.” 

“I can speak four different languages.”

You shot him a look. 

“No, I don’t know how to use a vacuum.” 

“Me neither.” 

You and Cassian stared at it for another five minutes before you cleared your throat and grabbed it shoving it deep into the closet. 

“I think it looks good there.” 

“Definitely.”

──────────────────────

_Restoring the House Part 3_

You were finishing up uncovering all the furniture you had protected from the painting disaster when you heard a tiny meow.

“Socks?” You called. 

Meow. 

“Socks, where are you?” 

Meow. 

You looked for hours, but you couldn’t find her. Cassian showed up at the house a few hours later finding your back half sticking out of the air vent. 

“I thought you climbing through the air vents was just a rebel base thing. I guess not.”

“Cassian, I think Socks is stuck somewhere.” You yelled. 

“She’s sitting on the couch staring at you.” 

You groaned dropping your head against the air vent, you kicked your legs, “Wanna help me get out?”

──────────────────────

_Restoring the House Part 4_

The house was almost completely ready. All that was left to do was to move all your stuff in. 

After you finished up paperwork for the night, you packed a few suitcases full of clothes and left to meet up with Cassian. Cassian had sent you a message early that morning saying that he was going to fix one last thing in the house. You ended up pulling up in front of the house very late that night.

“Y/N!” 

“Cassian?” You looked around, but didn’t see him. 

“I’m… um on the roof.” 

You looked up to see Cassian peering over the edge. 

“What-“ 

“Can you grab me a ladder?” 

“How did you even get up there without a ladder?” 

“You really don’t want to know.”

──────────────────────

“I think it is only right that I live with you.” Kay asserted.

You snorted, “You can stay in the garage.” 

“I most certainly will not.” 

Cassian sighed, “Kay, calm down. You’re not going to stay in the garage. We’ll figure it out.” 

“You will need someone to babysit your children.” 

You choked on your drink, “Children? As in more than one?” 

Kay nodded, “I see you having four children.”

“Children?! You guys are having a baby?!” Mila squealed excitedly. 

“What?! We literally just got married. We’re not having kids yet.” 

Mila pointed at you with a wide smile, “Aha! YET!” 

You groaned dropping your head down to the table. Cassian’s hand ran up and down your back soothingly as he held back a laugh.

──────────────────────

Overall, it took three months to get the house ready and move everything in. You had subconsciously been postponing finishing everything, but you knew that it had only been a matter of time. And soon it was time to move.

It was your last night at the base and you didn’t want to leave. 

“Cassian, I don’t want to go.” 

He pulled you close, pressing a kiss to the top of your head, “I know. But this is something we have to do. We’ll be fine. I promise.” 

You nodded. 

“Alright. Now prepare yourself, Mila is planning a slumber party at our house tonight so you need to act surprised.” 

The night was filled with games and laughter. 

Mila sang karaoke and somehow managed to get Nei to sing with her. 

Draven kicked everyone’s ass in blackjack. 

Leia and Kay got into an argument that you didn’t want to know about and refused to every talk to each other again. 

Soon everyone was asleep, you and Cassian the only ones awake. 

“I’m going to miss them all.” You whispered. You had just gotten used to having a family and now you felt like you were losing them all again. You knew it would be drastically different, but you knew with Cassian that you could get through it.

“Don’t worry we’ll be over so often that you won’t even have time to miss us.” Mila mumbled from her pillow.

──────────────────────

It had finally arrived.

You and Cassian’s first night alone in your new home. 

It was weird. The silence was the worst. You and Cassian had gotten so used to the bustling sound of rebels and the sound of ships taking off, but now all you heard was nothing. 

You lay in bed not able to fall asleep, Cassian had fallen asleep hours ago. 

With a groan, you turned over rolling into Cassian. When he didn’t wake, you poked him over and over and over again. 

He let out a slight groan, his eyes opening slowly. 

“I am so ready to begin our life together.” Cassian smiled before opening his arms and with that you snuggled down into him knowing that you were home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's notes: Alright so the next chapter sounds waaaaaaaay too angsty but please don't worry this story WILL end happy (for everybody) and it's not too angsty I promise 
> 
> Next up: my world collapsed (when I thought you were gone) aka First time you both thought the other was dead


	19. my world collapsed (when I thought you were gone)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> aka First time you both thought the other was dead 
> 
> Time Cassian and Reader have known each other: 4 years

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SECOND TO LAST OFFICIAL CHAPTER IM NOT OKAY WITH THIS (I think I’m gonna have one or two bonus chapters though). Also this ended up sooooooo long and literally wrote it in like 2 hours. Hope you enjoy!!!!!!

You sat in the back of the ship listening to Cassian argue with Kay on his comlink. Your head nodded to the side as you drifted off to sleep, but when you heard Kay yell you jerked right back up with a groan. You hadn’t been sleeping well and you didn’t know why and now Draven had sent you, Cassian, and Mila on a diplomatic mission to talk to another rebel base hidden on a different planet. Though they were part of the rebellion they didn’t follow the same rules that your base did. But you needed their support for an upcoming mission and this was a good time to form good relations with them. 

Nei had been on another mission when you left and was bitter that she had been left behind. Kay was mad that Draven wouldn’t let him go, which was why he was reprimanding Cassian for agreeing with that stupid decision. 

As Kay and Cassian’s argument tapered off at Mila’s reprimanding, you were finally able to drift off to sleep. But it couldn’t have been five minutes later when you felt a hand stroking your arm. With a groan, you opened your eyes to meet Cassian’s soft brown ones. 

“Sorry fierabrás, we’re here.” 

You sat up with a groan and Cassian grabbed your hands to pull you up. You stumbled to your feet rubbing your pounding head as Cassian looked on with concern. 

“You haven’t been feeling well for the past week. Can we stop at the med bay here?” He said as he gently brushed his hand across your face. 

You shook your head before leaning into his hand with a sigh as his fingers brushed through your hair, “If I’m not better by the time we get back to base, then I’ll go.” Cassian’s brows furrowed in concern, but before he could say another word this took off after Mila, who was walking across the tarmac to greet the leader of the rebellion. You knew he was watching you as you walked away and with a grunt, you straightened your back pushing through your exhaustion to pretend you felt alright. 

You and Mila approached the group of people waiting on the tarmac, an older woman stood at the front, flanked by 10 soldiers. 

“Captain L/N.” The woman greeted you. 

“Please call me Y/N, Captain Cordel. This is Lieutenant Mila. Captain Andor. K2SO. Thank you for agreeing to see us.” 

“Please call me Alira.” She gestured for you to follow her and you followed her into a building right off the tarmac. Windows lined the room and a group of people sat at a long table. The members at the table stood and greeted you. With a nod, you took your seat across from Captain Alira. Cassian sat farther down the table next to Mila and across from the other rebellion’s Chief of Intelligence. 

The meeting went well. After a few hiccups, Amelia ultimately agreed to offer her assistance if your base offered assistance right back. With a quick silent glance at Cassian and a shared nod, you accepted. 

As you stood up to shake her hand and make it official, the whole world exploded. 

You felt your body fly back and slam through the window. Your head was pounding and your body aching, but you were able to push yourself to your feet. Smoke and dust covered everything around you. A sound came from behind you and as you turned around you caught sight of Captain Amelia lying motionless on the ground. You stumbled over and dropped down by her body. But she was already gone. Your head dropped down and as the dust cleared you caught sight of the rebel’s building. It was completed demolished. The roof had collapsed in on itself, multiple fires had broken out, and it looked like a pile of debris. 

Your gaze rose to the sky looking for the ships that had sent down the bomb when 10 rebel ships took off into the sky. Within a few minutes, five Imperial ships appeared. But the rebel ships shot them down in seconds. 

As the last imperial ships exploded over your head you glanced down at Captain Amelia one more time before taking off down the tarmac to find more survivors. 

As you crossed the tarmac you ran into people left and right. Not many people seemed to be injured but they hadn’t been inside the building when the bomb hit. You had no idea what happened to the people inside. To Cassian. To Mila. Just as you reached the beginning of the rubble and reached out to pry pieces away and try to enter the mess, a man stopped you. 

“You can’t go in there right now. It’s not safe.” 

“But my husband…”.

The man swallowed hard before looking you in the eye, “I’m sorry.”

──────────────────────

“Cassian.”

Cassian groaned as something hit his face. Waving his arm he tried to swat it away but screamed in pain as his arm moved. He quickly pulled it back to his body and with a grunt, he forced his eyes open, but all he saw was dust. He let out a cough, his chest screaming. 

“Y/N?” 

“No, it’s Mila, Cassian. I – I don’t know where Y/N is.” 

Cassian coughed again, “Can you help me sit up?” 

Mila hesitated and Cassian’s eyes narrowed trying to find her through the dust, “Mila, what’s wrong.” 

“My hand. It’s completely crushed I don’t know…and my leg I can’t feel it.“ 

Cassian reached out through the smoke and found Mila’s shoulder, “Everything’s going to be fine, Mila.” 

He heard her take in a deep breath and as the dust cleared he could see her nod her head. 

“Did you find any way to get out?” 

Mila shook her head. Cassian looked at her and could see in her eyes how scared she was. Her uninjured hand was shaking but she was holding it all together and doing her best to stay calm.

“What do we do Cassian?” 

Cassian stayed silent wishing he had an answer for her. But he didn’t know.

──────────────────────

You stood motionless staring at the rubble. You had tried to help the other rebels find survivors, but everyone was hesitant to start digging because they could ultimately cause more damage. They said there could be areas big enough for survivors deep down. But moving the debris could ultimately make the building collapse on them.

You didn’t know what to do and after hours of moving rubble and finding nobody, you dropped down sitting defeated in the middle of the decimated tarmac. 

You weren’t sure how long you sat there but you didn’t move until a hand came down on your shoulder startling you out of your thoughts. You jumped up, teetering over and almost collapsing. The hand reached out steadying you and you looked up to see a flustered Nei. Her mouth was moving but you didn’t hear a word she said. You closed your eyes and shook your head trying to clear your ears when suddenly sound came back to you. You could hear the screams of people far away, the blast of water as people tried to put out the fires, and then you heard Nei’s desperate voice. 

“Y/N! Where is Mila? Is she okay?” 

Your heart dropped as you looked at her, “I don’t know Nei. Her and Cassian along with 20 other people that had been at the meeting are missing.” 

Nei stumbled back and all but collapsed to the ground. You had never seen her like this before, she had always been one to keep her emotions to herself but you knew how she felt. You shuffled over and dropped down to sit beside her, your arm rising to wrap around her back.

──────────────────────

“I want to get married,” Mila whispered.

Cassian’s head snapped over looking at Mila who had curled herself up in a ball against the wall. 

“I want to marry Nei.”

“You’re going to get married. I promise. We’re going to get out of here.” Cassian closed his eyes hoping that he was right. Hoping that they would get out of here. That Mila would get to marry Nei. That he would see you again. That you and him would…. 

“And you’re going to have a baby.” 

Cassian’s head shot over to Mila, who was slightly smirking at him. 

“I know how bad you want a family. I see how you look at Y/N. I see how you look at the other families at the base. You’ll have it one day.” 

Cassian smiled. Mila was right. It was all going to be all right.

──────────────────────

After a few minutes of silence, you and Nei had quickly pulled yourselves together and immediately helped in cleaning up of the debris and finding survivors. You were just trying to pry off a big piece of cement from what you believed to be a doorway when you heard a small cry from deep within.

Without a second thought, you yanked the piece of debris off the wall and peered through the darkness. There seemed to be a pathway and without hesitating you climbed in, vaulting yourself up and over the rubble. As you crawled through the decimated building following the cries, you didn’t seem to be getting any closer. Debris fell from the ceiling and the smoke was so thick it was hard to breathe. After a few minutes, you found the source of the cries; a small child was tucked back in the corner covered in soot and debris. 

“Hey sweetheart,” The child’s head snapped up and you smiled at him, “I’m Y/N. What’s your name?” 

His face was bright red, tears were streaming down his face and when he opened his mouth to reply the only thing that came out was a sob. You inched forward slowly, but he pushed himself farther back away from you. You froze and instead held out your hand. After a few seconds, the child quickly crawled over to you attaching himself to your body like an octopus. You held onto him tightly and covered his head as you crawled back through the demolished building and out onto the tarmac. 

You squinted your eyes as the bright sun blinded you for a second and began to cough as the smoke that had found its way into your lungs tried to get out. Nei gasped when she caught sight of you with a child in your arms and she quickly called for help. 

Soon you and the child were surrounded by dozens of medical professionals. The child grasped onto you tighter as hands reached out trying to pull him away. His whimpers rocked through your body and you shot backward with a growl trying to get away from the prying hands. 

Nei placed herself in front of you, guarding the two of you. 

“Stop it, you’re frightening him!” She snarled. 

You frantically whispered to the child trying to calm him down. With a nod to Nei, she allowed one of the nurses through to check on the child. You settled on the ground, placing the boy in your lap. The nurse sat in front of you and tended to the boy’s injuries as his small hands grasped onto your shirt like a lifeline. 

The nurse looked at you and whispered that she needed to talk to you privately. With a quick kiss pressed to the kid’s head, you stood up and passed him off into Nei’s arms with a glance telling her to protect him with her life. She nodded solemnly as she gathered the boy against her chest. As you stepped away, the boy's eyes welled up and you quickly shot back promising him that you would be back in a second and that Nei would protect him. When he nodded his head, you walked a few feet away to talk to the nurse, all the while keeping the child in your line of vision. 

“That child. His name is Jase. He’s a child from the orphanage. His parents died years ago. He had no other family, like many of the children at this base. I’ve called someone to take him back to the orphanage.” 

Your eyes narrowed, “If he’s from the orphanage, why was he in this building?”

The nurse coughed, “We-um…we don’t have many people to look after the children and they tend to wander.” 

“How many children do you have there?” 

“About 25.” 

Your heart sunk. Twenty-five children. All alone. With no one to look after them. 

The nurse took your silence as compliance and gestured to a man, who approached Nei to grab Jase. Nei glared at the man and shot out of his way going to stand behind you. You quickly turned and grabbed Jase from her arms, he wrapped himself around you tightly holding on and cringing away from the man in front of you. 

“No. Give me a second.” The man nodded and you walked away and sat down with the boy sitting in your lap. 

“Hey, Jase.” He pulled back his red eyes looking back at yours. You brushed some of his black curls back from his forehead, “Would you like to live with me?” 

“Like my momma?” 

You closed your eyes taking in a deep breath, “I will never replace your momma, but I can raise you like she did.” 

The little boy was silent for a moment before he nodded and shot forward wrapping himself around you once more. 

You stood up slowly with him in your arms and went over to where Nei was glaring at the nurse and the man from the orphanage. 

“I will raise him.” 

The woman’s eye widened and the man from the orphanage froze. 

The woman cleared her throat, “Very well. I will get the paperwork for you.” 

“Wait.” 

The woman froze and turned back to face you, “I want the rest of the children as well. I’m taking them back to our base.” 

The woman’s mouth dropped open, “I don’t know if-“ She turned to face the man from the orphanage who shrugged. 

“If she wants them, all the better for us.” 

You and Nei glared at the man, who gave no regard for the children he was supposed to be caring for. 

“Alright. I will get them ready for the trip.” 

You nodded. 

As the woman walked away you heard a commotion from the other side of the tarmac and saw some workers begin to lift pieces off the ground. And out stumbled a dust covered Cassian, Mila leaning heavily against him. 

With a ragged intake of breath, Nei took off and when she reached Mila, she pulled her into her arms. You could see Mila cringe in pain, but she held Nei tightly as her body shook with relief. 

Cassian backed away from Mila and Nei, his eyes scanning the ground and when his eyes met yours he took off. 

Before he could take you into his arms, he noticed the boy in your arms. 

“This is our son now.” You said. 

Cassian’s eyes went wide as he took in the young boy. 

“Cassian this is Jase. Jase. This is Cassian. My husband.” 

“My new daddy?” 

Cassian took a step back his face filling with an emotion you had never seen before. 

“If you want he can be your daddy.” 

The little boy nodded and turned to face Cassian. He held out his arms and Cassian hesitantly stepped forward pulling the little boy out of your arms and into his. Jase’s hands settled on Cassian’s cheeks before they roamed up and over Cassian’s hair. He pulled back with a smile and touched his own hair before touching Cassian’s once again. 

It was then that you realized how similar Jase and Cassian looked. The same complexion, the same big brown eyes, and the same dark hair. You smiled at Cassian’s awestruck face as he took in the little boy. 

“Name?” The little boy asked Cassian, not remembering what you had said. 

“I’m Cassian.” 

“Cassian. Y/N.” He turned and pointed at you and then he pointed at the two girls that were still holding each other. 

“Mila and Nei.” You answered.

“Family?” 

You smiled stepping in closer and running a hand down the boy’s back, “Yeah, this is your family now.” 

Cassian leaned in and loudly whispered in Jase’s ear, “And we have a cat.” 

The boy’s eyes lit up and he turned to you, “Cat?” 

You nodded with a smile, “Her name is Socks.”

──────────────────────

The ship landed and you pushed yourself to your feet with a groan. You had called ahead to warn General Draven that you had adopted 25-orphaned children. His exasperated sigh over the comlink had silenced when you told him the condition of the children. He quickly mentioned that the new training center and accompanying rooms that just finished being built would be the new rebellion orphanage.

He then mentioned that they would do their best to get as many of the children as possible adopted. You looked down at Jase in your arms when he said that. With a laugh and a quick goodbye, you hung up. Jase had fallen asleep in your arms the second the ship had taken off from the other rebel base, but the second you stood up he stirred with a groan. 

As you walked down the ramp Cassian’s hand was on your lower back steadying your pain-filled stumbling. You could see General Draven walk out onto the tarmac and stopped waiting for him to come to you. Nei and Mila shuffled up alongside you, Mila leaning heavily against Nei taking the pressure off her injured leg. 

“FAMILY!” The boy yelled in your ear pointing at them. 

Nei turned her head her eyebrow quirked questioningly. 

“Yes, Jase, these are your two wonderful aunts, Mila and Nei.” 

“Excuse me, two aunts? What am I then?” A stern voice came from behind you.

You turned around and came face to face with Leia. You whispered something in Jase’s ear and he turned to face Leia with a smile, “You're a Princess?!” 

Leia’s eyes widened momentarily before she glared at your innocent smile. Cassian chuckled softly beside you as Nei let out a loud snort. 

A few minutes later, Draven stepped up to you, “The rest of the children?” 

Cassian nodded to the ship behind them, “They are still on the ship with their few belongings.”

Draven nodded before his eyes dropped and focused on the boy in your arms.

“Jase. This is General Draven. Or to you, Uncle Draven. General of the Rebellion.” 

Draven’s eyes softened as he looked down at the boy, who waved at him enthusiastically. 

“I want to be a rebel.” 

You smiled proudly running a hand over his hair, “One day.” 

“No,” Cassian warned beside you.

“And teach you how to fight.” 

“ _No_.” 

“And how to climb through air vents.” 

“ _Y/N_!” 

“WHAT?!” 

Jase tapped your arm asking silently to get down. You placed him on the floor at the exact movement Socks came pouncing out onto the tarmac. 

“Kitty!” He screamed as he began to chase after the cat, Socks’s eyes went wide as she took off. 

Everyone watched in amusement as you and Cassian took off after Jase yelling for him to slow down. 

“That is going to be one spoiled child.” Mila smiled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next up: did you really think (that we wouldn’t end up happy) aka First happy ending


	20. did you really think (that we wouldn’t end up happy)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> aka First Happy Ending 
> 
> Time Cassian and Reader have known each other: 7 years

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo sorry this took so long to get up guys! First I got a new job and then the day I was gonna post it my computer crashed but it’s up and it’s over and guys I’m so sad. This is the longest story I’ve written and everyone is my baby and I don’t want to stop writing them. I’m 100% doing a sequel of some bonus chapters because I cant just stop writing them. I may do a few chapters that focus on Mila and Nei as well. (Also you guys should be happy because when I originally introduced Mila I was going to kill her near the end but I ended up loving her so much I was like fuck I can’t do that) Anyways, read the notes at the end of the chapter and I hope you enjoy!!!!

You smiled as Cassian’s hand drew lazy patterns on your stomach. He leaned over to press a kiss against your cheek, “Morning, fierabrás.”

With a smile, you rolled over gently and leaned in brushing your lips against his, feeling a smile pull at the corner of his mouth.

You pulled back slightly and ran you hand over his cheek and up into his hair and your smirked pulling at a hair, “Looks like you have a gray hair.”

Cassian’s eyes widened, “Only in my 20’s and the Rebellion’s already giving me a mid-life crisis.”

“I think more along the lines of your child-“

“Momma!”

Your head dropped to Cassian’s chest with a groan as the shouting grew louder and stomping footsteps sounded down the hall. Cassian’s hands ran up and down your back soothingly as you gathered the will to get out of the comfort of Cassian’s arms.

“Speak of the devil. Guess it’s time to get up.” You rolled over and tried to push yourself up. Cassian quickly moved around to your side of the bed and helped pull you up. Once he pulled you to your feet, he leaned down to press a kiss against your forehead, his hands reaching down to rub gently against your growing stomach. 

“Momma!”

The door slammed open and a little boy shot through the door. He darted over to you and wrapped himself around your legs tightly.

You looked down with a bemused expression, “What’s wrong, Davie?”

The little boy shook his head as his hands gripped even tighter around your legs. You looked up at Cassian who was smirking down at the pouting child.

Davits (Davie) Andor was a handful at just three three years old. He had Cassian’s snarkiness and your stubbornness. Your hair. Cassian’s eyes. He also inherited both of you and Cassian’s mischievousness and has already managed to pull off some intense intricate pranks that had ever seen. They had you both worried yet impressed.

Unlike your pregnancy now, Davie had been a little bit of a surprise. You hadn’t even known you were pregnant all those years ago when you and Cassian had gone on that diplomatic mission.

You both had adopted Jase, not knowing that your small family was about to double in size within just a few months.

Though it had been a surprise to you and Cassian, apparently Kay and Leia had both known and decided not to inform you. They would later defend their actions by stating that they thought you were just keeping it a secret though you weren’t sure that was entirely true. The two months you hadn’t known you were pregnant, Kay would be a little shit and drop statistic after statistic.

_The probability of you having a child within the next year is 92%._

_Children would most definitely hate your cooking._

_Cassian, there is a 90% chance the children will have your eye color._

_Most newlyweds have children within a few months of marriage._

You had been so busy working that you hadn’t noticed your pregnancy symptoms. You and Cassian both continued to go on missions, albeit separately. After adopting Jase, you had both decided that one of you should always be home with him. So when missions popped up, only one of you would go.

And it had been your turn. Your mission was to build relations with a race on an unknown planet. They had no allies and hadn’t taken a side in the war yet. And the Rebellion wanted to see if they would be willing to lend assistance in return from whatever they needed.

The meeting had gone fairly well and you and their leader, Tibyr, got along very well. She had said that after deliberating with her people, they would make a decision. But she assured you, that if the rest of the rebellion were like you, they wouldn’t have a problem with offering some assistance.

Everything was going well. Until dinner. That’s when things began to feel off.

“I have to ask. Why would you risk coming here to talk to us in your condition?”

Your brows furrowed in confusion, “Condition?”

“Yes, your pregnancy. It is a risk to be so far away from home and in a place so unknown and full of risks?”

The fork in your hand dropped clattering to the plate with a loud crash. Your heart was pounding and you looked over at Kay who was standing by the wall.

“I thought you knew.” He said.

You shook your head and your gaze dropped down to your stomach.

“I have been dropping hints about children for months. I am rather excited to have a nephew.” Kay said proudly.

“Nephew?” You squeaked reaching down to poke at your stomach.

“The probability is 71% what with your cycle and-“

You coughed and waved at him to stop as Tibyr looked at you in amusement.

After assuring you that they would make a decision within the month, you and Kay left for Yavin 4. You were still pretty shocked and couldn’t stop staring at your stomach.

As Kay piloted, you sat in the front of the ship staring down at your stomach. You didn’t even hear you comlink go off but an hour later Kay informed you that Cassian had called and he had told him that you were taking a nap. You looked up surprised that he had lied for you, but Kay just looked at you silently for a few minutes, before turning his attention back to piloting.

When you returned back to base, Cassian had been there ready to meet you. He had started forward and reached out ready to pick you up like he usually did, but you backed up holding your hands out.

“Wait! Don’t pick me up! I’m pregnant!”

Cassian froze.

A few minutes passed and he didn’t move an inch. You started forward and poked him in the chest and he rocked back on his heels.

“Pregnant?” He croaked.

You nodded and slowly he smiled before taking you into his arms.

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

He dropped down and yanked up your shirt and poked your stomach lightly. He began whispering to it and you smiled as you ran your fingers through his hair.

The pregnancy itself hadn’t been that difficult; the only thing that was difficult was dealing with an overbearing Cassian. Cassian absolutely loved that you were pregnant and loved taking care of you. He doted on you head to toe the first few months. And it drove you insane. He wouldn’t let you walk more than five feet without pushing you down gently into a chair and propping your feet up. It wasn’t until you hit him in the head with a frying pan (gently you argued) that he agreed to let up on the hovering behavior.

After that Cassian backed off and you could finally breathe again. You apologized for hitting him (gently) with the frying pan and he had just laughed pulling you into his arms, “You’re carrying my child. I think I can stand getting hit by a frying pan now and then.”

Mila and Nei had been ecstatic and promised that they would babysit. Mila had taken to following you around petting your stomach and singing badly to the baby. She said that it would make him (or her! She would scream) smarter. Nei would stare at your stomach longingly and you knew that she was imagining her future with Mila. It wasn’t until months later after they moved into the house next door to you and Cassian that they adopted to little girls from the Rebellion’s orphanage. And a year later they were married, their two girls giving speeches at the wedding that made everyone to burst into tears.

When Leia said she had known for a few months and you chucked your shoe at her. But she made up for it by making you all your favorite food or buying you adorable children’s clothes and leaving it in your room for you to find.

The only person who did seem to truly understand what you were going through was Draven. Which surprised you. Maybe it was because he was a father figure or maybe it was because he had dealt with 4 pregnant sisters. But he was your comfort zone when you needed to get away. His office became your hideout. No one was allowed in there. Except for him. He would open the door to his office and see you camped out on his couch. And instead of touching your stomach or asking you a million questions, he would do what you wanted….he would ignore you. And because of this. And how much you had come to truly love him. You decided to name your son after him. And thus Davie was born.

──────────────────────

A knock sounded at the door and your head shot over and you saw Jase leaning against the doorway his eyes looking concerned at Davie. Jase had been a blessing. Davie followed him around like a lost puppy and Jase didn’t mind. He would show Davie his favorite places to hide or his favorite pranks. They would sit up at night talking or playing. They were inseparable. However, at first, he hadn’t been too thrilled at the fact that he was getting a younger sibling. You and Cassian had just adopted him and you knew he felt as if he was being replaced.

There were times when he would withdraw. And you gave him space when he needed it. But you also were there for him. You had family dinners. You played games together. Cassian showed him how to fly. You showed him how to fight. You told him that even though you and Cassian were having a baby that didn’t change the fact that he was your son and you would love him more than anything.

It had taken a few days but he began to talk to the baby. He would sit on the ground beside the couch while you napped and whisper stories of how wonderful you and Cassian were and how he couldn’t wait to teach him how to fight and fly ships. As the weeks passed he became less embarrassed about it and would scream down the hallways of the rebel base so that the baby could hear him.

──────────────────────

You had never imaged life would be like this. 4 years of marriage. 7 years of knowing the love of your life. 2 wonderful kids, with one of the way. 1 crazy loveable cat. And hundreds of family members.

You had never thought you would have a life like this. Especially in the rebellion. You had joined knowing that one day you would ultimately die. You had accepted that. But now you knew you were wrong. The rebellion had given you life. A family. It had saved you.

You had given them so much, now it was time to take a step back.

You and Cassian had retired as active agents a year ago. You still consulted for the intelligence community, but you didn’t go on missions anymore. However, there was a loophole that if they ever needed you, you would have to return to complete the mission. Some missions were so important that the General’s didn’t trust the other agents.

So in all your free time, you and Cassian spent most of your days as a family. You would go flying. Or shooting. Or play some games.

Davie would get lost. Jase would skin his knee. Cassian would cry over how much he loved his boys. And you would just sit there with a smile on your face wondering how you had gotten so lucky.

You and Cassian also needed your time alone and would often go on dates after dropping Jase and Davie off at Mila and Nei’s house.

Though most of your dates ended like….

_Did you eat all my cake?_

_Yes._

_I’ll go get another one._

_For me?_

_Of course._

_I love you._

_I love you too._

At the end of each night, after putting both of your boys to bed and whispering goodnight to the little girl in your stomach, you would wrap yourself up in Cassian’s arms and feel safe knowing that you were home.

──────────────────────

BONUS:

Seven months into your pregnancy you and Cassian were called in for a mission. Draven forbid you to go, but you still insisted on going to the meeting. You knew something bad was happening. There was word of something on the horizon. Something horrible.

You reached over and grabbed Cassian’s hand and looked up at General Draven, “So, what’s the mission?”

“Have either of you ever heard of a man named Galen Erso?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author’s notes: THE STORY IS OVER AND I’M SAD BUT NO WORRIES BECAUSE A ONE-SHOT BONUS SEQUEL IS COMING BECAUSE I NEED IT. ALSO SOME OF THE BONUS CHAPTERS WILL LINE UP TO ROGUE ONE BUT DON’T WORRY BECAUSE I WON’T KILL ANYONE BECAUSE I REFUSE TO. SO EVEN IF ROGUE ONE THINGS HAPPEN THEY WILL ALL LIVE BECAUSE I NEED THEM TO
> 
> Next up: WHO KNOWS BUT WE’LL FIND OUT ONCE I WRITE IT


	21. Next Series is Up!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bonus Series Up!

Yo guys! First Chapter of my Bonus Chapter Series is up now! I'm probably gonna be updating once a week! :D


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